So … you want to create a beautiful home with your partner. One that reflects who the two of you are — apart and together. One where there’s space for your individual interests and tastes and room for loving connection and harmony.
Creating a home together can be so exciting….. but if we are honest, it can bring up a lot of challenging stuff, too! What do you do when you have totally different tastes? Why does talking about something as simple cleaning the dishes spiral out into a huge fight? What’s really going on here, and how can you navigate the topic of home in a way that brings you closer together, not farther apart?
When you have the right mindset and tools, co-creating a home with your partner can bring you closer together in big, beautiful ways.
Let’s start at the beginning. So many of my partnered clients come to me with complaints like,
- “I’m trying my best to create a beautiful home — but he/she doesn’t think it’s worth the time/energy/money.”
- “How on earth do I get my partner on board with the changes I want to make, when he/she keeps leaving wet towels on the floor [or other terribly annoying behavior]?”
- “I’m learning what I most want in my beautiful home, but my partner and I just don’t like the same things!”
If any of these sound familiar … you’re not alone!
Your home is a metaphor for your life. When you and your partner share a home, it will reflect your relationship, too (For better or for worse!)
Home is where your values take physical form. It reflects who you are, what you’re up to, and where you’re headed. And, home can also be the biggest minefield for emotional issues you’ve been avoiding. Old wounds. Ongoing fights. Mismatched life dreams.
As soon as we bring attention to our space, all the issues hiding under the rug get swept out into the open.
You see, your home is often a backdoor into deeper, emotional issues. (Which is why talking about “home stuff” with your honey can often get so sticky, so fast.)
But the happy flip-side of this coin is — these conversations and practices can become a beautiful way to upgrade your communication and enhance your intimacy.
Sarah Jenks’ story is a beautiful example of how home design can work absolute magic on relationships. When I arrived in her home for our authentic design intensive, she and her husband were suffering from a good deal of tension (and Sarah herself was overwhelmed and uninspired). Little did she know, their overflowing front hall closet (seems like a tiny detail, right?) was a massive source of stress and frustration in their marriage.
By working through some issues in their space and the emotional weight they represented, Sarah and her marriage got a serious upgrade. Without the strain of that messy closet triggering a deeper issue in their relationship, her husband now arrives home with a smile on his face. They also deepened their communication, cleared a major block in their relationship, and welcomed a new chapter: Sarah became pregnant very quickly thereafter! Now … if that’s not a success story, I don’t know what is!
Want a shortcut to intimacy? Talk about your home. – Click to Tweet
Unfortunately I’m not here to tell you how to get your husband/wife/partner to wash the dishes or gleefully agree to buy those throw pillows.
But I am here to guide you to the deeper issues beneath those surface-level disconnections. So that you can have conversation that will bring you two closer together … so that you both get the life + home you want.
“We just don’t like the same things” is merely the tip of the iceberg.
This oh-so-common lament indicates there are different, deeper things brewing under the hood of your relationship (and home). Differences around what you value + the hesitation to speak about it. Common underlying topics include:
- Money
- Style
- Needs
- Fears
- Wants
- Values
- Beliefs
- Childhood Stuff
- Hopes and Dreams
- Etc.
Your Turn….In what ways does YOUR home reflect or represent your relationship? What areas do you and your partner disagree and/or have tension about the home? And what might be the deeper issue lurking beneath the surface level argument?
In The Comments Below tell me the number 1 struggle or frustration YOU deal with when it comes to creating a home with your partner?
And Stay Tuned for the next post in this series. I am going to be sharing my 3 step process for having a productive and effective home conversations with your honey!
Sending love,
Rebecca
P. S. Working with couples is one of my favorite things to do! If you and your honey are getting constantly hooked around a particular issue or topic contact me to learn more about how I can help you get unstuck ASAP!
Last week, I talked about the inner processes fall naturally supports: turning within, getting intentional, shedding layers that no longer serve us, and getting focused and grounded before the Holiday Crazies set in. (Check out the full post right here.)
Today, I want to share some of my favorite ways to take this inner clarity and translate it to external reality–in your life and especially in your home.
Remember: your home can be so much more than just a pretty place. It can provide invaluable support as you create the life of your dreams. Craving more social gatherings? Transform that dusty den into a beautiful spot for dinner parties. Whatever priority has your attention this season, let’s make your home help you bring it to life.
This fall, harness the power of your home to bring your
intentions to life. – Click to Tweet
Here are a few of my favorite in-the-home practices for this contemplative, focused season:
1) Get Warm and Cozy.
The crisp air of fall always makes me turn inward, get contemplative, and reflect on my priorities. We can support this natural shift in the home by creating a cozy atmosphere for reflection.
If you haven’t completed the action challenge from last week yet, I encourage you to create a little spot for yourself. Place a good book, your journal and/or some meaningful trinkets near by. Soften your lighting and swap harsh overhead lights for warm candles and fireplaces. Place fuzzy blankets and cozy shawls throughout your home. Set slippers by your bed, and consider warming your towels while in the shower. Pay attention to when the sun sets, and close your draperies. Welcome the evening by shifting the energy and creating a more cozy atmosphere.
2) Check-in With Your Clutter.
Fall’s discerning energy asks us to sift through our lives, and identify what matters … and release what doesn’t. Once you get clear on this (perhaps through reflection and/or journaling) bring your clarity into physical form by clearing clutter.
Set aside an afternoon for an “editing” session. I usually don’t do a full “spring clean” in the fall, but I do clear out a few counters and cupboards, pack away summer clothes, and give my home a general simplifying and decluttering.
Remember: make this an intentional exercise. Instead of clearing out things willy-nilly, start by asking yourself what’s really important in your life, and what you’re ready to release. Then, from this place, tour your home with fresh eyes, and release a few things that no longer support where you are and where you’re headed. (This post will help!)
3) Make Your Intentions and Priorities Visible.
Ready to re-live the back-to-school excitement of your childhood? Fall is the perfect time to tie up loose ends and take action on what matters most to you.
Once you identify what you’d like to do, let your home support you in making it happen. Make a list of priorities and put it front and center: on your fridge or nightstand. Got a self-care practice you keep “forgetting”? Put it into your calendar and make that time non-negotiable. Take those priorities and intentions and turn them into plans!
4) Celebrate Abundance.
Fall is the season of letting go and releasing … but it’s also the season of the harvest, and celebrating the fruits of our labors.
Create and display objects that represent fall’s bounty, for you. This could be a produce display (a literal “horn of plenty”). The best symbols though, contain personal meaning. What have you created this year that needs some celebrating? Display that project you finished or frame that photo of your friends or new baby. Create literal reminders in your home of all the abundance in your life.
TAKE ACTION!
In Your Home: Set aside a few hours this week to give your home some love. Find at least three things to release (or “edit” out of your space). Connect each one with the “bigger picture”: what deeper patterns or outdated dreams are you ready to let go of, this season?
In Your Heart: Take a little time for your inner poet/mystic/contemplative. Make a cozy spot for yourself, grab your journal and a cup of tea, and get quiet. What is your heart longing for, this season? What abundance needs some celebrating? Find some simple ways to honor what’s most alive and lovely for you, now.
In the Comments Below: I would love to know which one of these ideas gets you most excited AND…what are your favorite ways to transition your home for fall? Can’t wait to connect with you in the comments below.
Sending love,
Rebecca
P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working privately with me (in person or via Skype), you can learn all about it right here.
Getting Focused With Fall
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This time of year, I hear so many people professing their undying love for fall, their “favorite!” season. My relationship with fall isn’t quite so cut-and-dry. I’m naturally more of a free-spirited, summer girl. I love summer’s sunshine and bright colors, fresh flowers and spaciousness.
Yet as the days grow shorter and the leaves begin to turn, fall offers a natural counterpoint to the big, extroverted energy of summer.
Summer’s big parties give way to quiet tea dates. Exciting new ideas start coming to life through day-to-day actions. It is both a soft and productive time of year for me.
Over the years I have learned to deeply appreciate the innate value of the fall season. I now understand and look forward to it as a time to ground and balance myself after the big, nourishing, high energy of summer.
As the fall season begins, it invites us to shift our attention from summer’s extroversion into a more quiet, focused, and grounded space — in our hearts, in our homes, and in our lives.
Intention is the thread woven between your space and your situation. Click To Tweet
Fall is the season for what I call “Interior Intention.” In short, this is the process of turning within, asking ourselves what we really want in life, and making sure our spaces reflect and support our biggest dreams, values, and desires. (Read all about this and the 4 other keys to “Wake Up and Love Where You Live” in my free e-book. Sign up to receive your copy at the top right of this page!)
Fall offers several opportunities for us to bring Interior Intention to life, in deep and tangible ways. Tap into one of the following that most calls your name … or cycle through the entire progression throughout the season:
1. Turn Within and Reflect.
As shadows lengthen, leaves turn, and the big energy of summer settles, fall invites us into a more contemplative way of being. I feel drawn to soften…quieting my mind, and turning within. Meditation, prayer, and setting intentions all feel easier and more necessary in this season, for me.
2. Clarify Priorities and Set Intentions.
Once we turn within and reflect, fall invites us into a discernment process. It asks us two crucial questions: What truly matters most to me? And: Why is this important?
Fall’s energy gives us an opportunity to step into being more present, sharpening our focus, and getting deliberate about sifting through what’s working and what’s not working, in our lives.
3. Shed Layers that No Longer Serve You.
As we clarify what matters most to us, it’s natural to identify some things that we’re ready to release. Projects that no longer deserve our attention; friendships we’ve outgrown; clothes, recurring coffee dates, or old priorities that simply don’t serve, anymore.
We enjoy an external reflection of this, as leaves begin to fall. This season, ask yourself: What “leaves” am I ready to let loose from my life? Allow the inner reflection of fall support and guide any decisions you need to make around what needs releasing and/or letting go of. (And remember…take special care to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Even the smallest transitions can trigger a grieving process.)
4. Get Focused and Organized.
Once you’ve turned within, discerned what truly matters to you, and released what doesn’t, it’s time to get to work creating your life with clear intention. Fall’s crisp air and grounded energy can support us in checking things off our To Do lists and tying up loose ends.
I think much of this energy stems from the childhood back-to-school memories that fall conjures: I loved the ritual of getting pretty new notebooks and working hard to better myself. As adults, fall remains one of the most productive times of the year for many of us. So … pull out your checklist. Set aside some time to clean out your closet. Tie up those loose ends and free up your energy by closing circles. Assign small, do-able action steps to each of your intentions … and place that list in a highly visible place (on your fridge or desk.)
5. Get Grounded and Present Before the Holiday Craziness.
The Holiday season is a wonderful time — yet it can also be stressful and taxing. That’s why I find it so important to prepare during fall: to take time for quiet, self-care, and connecting with myself. The more authentic moments I can create during the fall season, the more resourced and clear-headed I can be during the Holidays.
Especially if you’re naturally introverted or chronically stressed, take some time this season to store up your reserves. Go to bed a little earlier, make that home-cooked stew, or perhaps trade a night out for a night in cuddled up on the couch.
Here’s to wishing you the most abundant and cozy fall, ever!
Stay Tuned! Next week, I’ll share my favorite ways to translate this inner work into tangible practices for your home and life!
TAKE ACTION!
In Your Home: You’ve got some reflecting to do … so create a cozy, contemplative spot for it in your home. Adorn it with a candle, a blanket, and your favorite books or journal.
In Your Heart: Breathe into your heart. What are you being drawn to, this season? More dinner parties, more solitude, less rushing? Pick 1-3 big themes for this fall, and brainstorm a few simple ways to honor them.
In the Comments: Does this season’s energy strike you as quiet and focusing, or something else, entirely? How do you love honoring the energy of fall?
Sending love,
Rebecca
P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working privately with me (in person or via Skype), you can learn all about it right here.
Do you ever find yourself feeling mopey, uninspired or just plain old “blah” in the mornings?
My morning motivation has been particularly challenged this week having just returned from a two week adventure with my husband in gorgeous Italy! We had the best time… lots of good food, good wine, beautiful art, romantic sunsets, naps and my personal favorite… quality time with my man. We had time to reflect, connect and have deep and honest conversations (at leisure which is the best) about who we are, where we have come and where we are headed. It was an exciting but also an incredibly grounding trip and I am so grateful. (See a few fun pics from our trip here!)
As you can imagine though, transitioning back into the swing of everyday life (with jet lag) has been a bit mopey… especially in the mornings!
Now, I know the typical list of ideas and advice that are sure to help anyone perk up in morning…things like:
- Drive out to the mountains and hike amongst the greenery
- Pop down to the farmers’ market, buy your favorite flowers, and share bouquets with your friends
- Go to your favorite coffee shop and read something inspirational
- Paint an accent wall in your bedroom a soothing color to wake up to
And yes….we would feel immeasurably better if we tried any of the above BUT they all take (at the very least) an hour. And after being away from work and other life commitments for two weeks I really haven’t had that kind of time.
Instead, this week I have been practicing the easiest and most effortless way I know to lift anyones morning mood – in just 30 seconds.
Opening your windows!
I realize this seems eye-rollingly simple, but I can’t tell you how many times clients have complained about a mope-inducing room and when I check it out, I see that the shades are drawn against the daylight. And obviously I’m not immune to this myself! There are so many days I’ve found myself slouching around in my pajamas, unmotivated to do anything, only to look up and realize that it’s midday and I’ve haven’t seen any daylight yet!
Fresh air and sunlight are crucial to our mental and physical health. Sunlight boosts serotonin, reduces stress, improves sleep, and can even reduce cancer risks. Access to fresh air improves our blood pressure and heart rate, strengthens our immune systems, and increases energy.
Luckily for us, accessing this invigorating, refreshing air and light is often as easy as pulling the cord on that blind and pushing open the window. Even if it’s cold outside, just a few minutes of gusty, clean air can revive you and give you (and your space) a fresh start.
I know it’s simple but I promise you – it’s huge. Pull up the shades, let the crisp fall air in, and, by golly, if those windows are dirty, clean ‘em.
This week I challenge you to:
In your Home: Get acquainted with the state of your windows. Do they need any repairs or cleaning? Commit to opening your shades – and the whole window if you can – every day and notice if you feel a difference in your mood.
In your Heart: If you realize that you have been unconsciously living in the dark, ask yourself what this might be a metaphor for in your life? What are your dirty, dark windows mirroring back to you?
In the Comments Below: I would love to know what other quick and simple things you do to brighten your mood? Lets create a running list together!
Sending Love,
Rebecca
“Money Mentor” For Bari Tessler Linden
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Have you ever heard the saying, “How you do one thing is how you do everything?”
This powerful idea can unlock rich ah-ha’s. And it’s one big reason why looking at the spaces we create (our homes), can have a huge ripple effect in every area of our lives — money, relationships, body, career, spirituality, and on and on.
Today, I want to talk about MONEY.
Particularly: how we can discover and support our money relationship by working with our space.
Because your relationship with your home can speak volumes about your relationship with money. And working directly with your home can be an incredible catalyst for shifting your money relationship — from the outside-in, and the inside-out.
I am so excited to share this teaching as a “Money Mentor” over Bari Tessler Linden’s blog today. (More about Bari’s amazing work below.)
Click here to read the full article…
“Our Homes Reveal What Matters To Us Most.
Just Like Our Checkbooks.”
You’ll learn:
- 6 common home design patterns that may mirror our relationship to money (from ultra-minimalist to clutter and everything in between.)
- Simple ways to clear space for more abundance in your home, life, and wallet.
- Why imbuing our homes with beauty and meaning is essential.
- How to know when extravagant purchases become too much of a good thing.
- How to upgrade your home when you’re short of funds — and why this is so important.
And if you don’t know Bari Tessler Linden and her amazing money work yet, let me tell you: She’s incredible! Bari has a gift for “un-shaming” our money “stuff” in deep, gentle, and nourishing ways. I’ve been a huge fan of her work for many years now and I am honored to be featured on her blog today.
Click here to read my article on Bari’s blog
(And be sure to peruse her beautiful site while you’re there!)
Finally, if you find this article useful and/or interesting I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Could you identify with one of the 6 types? Look forward to chatting with you!
Sending Love,
Rebecca
OK, I’ll admit it. It might sound tragically un-cool, but …
… I don’t like the color grey in my home!
I’ve tried. Really, I have. I bought grey bedding (hated it), grey placemats (nope, couldn’t do it), and even a grey journal (didn’t use it…had to let it go). Once, I considered painting my bathroom grey; the mere thought of it still depresses me!
I wanted to be slick and modern and cool (and you need grey for that, right?) but every grey thing I bought just made my mood nosedive.
Please note: this is an utterly personal preference. If you love grey, and it makes you happy/inspired/creative/melancholy-in-a-happy-way….Wahoo! I applaud you. (And if I ever receive a beautiful grey throw pillow as a gift, I’ll happily pass it your way.)
One day, I finally put grey on my “not under this roof” list. And it freed me up to focus on what I really did want and love. I need warm, bright colors and clean whites to bring the sunshine inside and make me feel like myself.
Here’s the jewel hiding in the mud: admitting what I didn’t like helped me embrace what I love.
Oooooh. Can I say that again?
Knowing what you don’t like can lead to what you love.
Now, focusing on what you don’t like might seem overly negative. A little silly, even. But after so many years of fighting it, I’ve discovered that identifying what you don’t like is a universal, ultra-helpful, and tragically overlooked backdoor to discovering what you love.
When I shop with clients, we frequently spend the first half of the day hopping from boutique to boutique, sifting through throw pillows and lamps while they admit, “Hmmmm. Well — not quite.”
And they often feel sheepish, guilty, or ashamed that they don’t like those Tiffany lamps or sequined throw pillows. But I’m not having it!
Saying no is an essential skill in creating an
authentic life and home you love.
Here’s why:
1. Saying No Focuses Your Energy
If I admit that I don’t want to live in the city, my apartment search just got a lot easier. And when I realize I’m not comfortable in a first-floor apartment, I can narrow my search even further. Admitting that you don’t want or like certain things actually saves you time, effort, and money.
2. Understanding Your No Takes You One Step Closer To Yes
You don’t want that huge sectional sofa. So you ask yourself why, and realize you don’t want it to take over the whole living room. But you’d still love a sleeper sofa. Great! Now, we can start looking for petite, pretty sofas that have a pullout bed.
3. Claiming Your No Boosts Your Confidence
If you feel a no, admit it. Trust it. Celebrate it, even! Please be honest with yourself, and resist the urge to talk yourself into something you don’t really love (grey sheets, anyone?). When you listen to your no, and claim it, you’re forging a stronger bond with yourself — and with that deep, authentic place within you, where you know what your yes is and can act on it. Commit to trusting yourself, finding your yes, and be willing to wait for it. Because a lukewarm yes won’t get you any closer to the life + home you want.
A strong no will take you farther than a weak yes. – Click to Tweet
4. Ignoring Your No Is A Subtle Form Of Self-Betrayal
When you settle for something (a chair, sweater, sweetie, or job) that doesn’t light you up, but is “close enough,” what hidden belief is really in charge?
“I don’t deserve what I want.”
“What I want doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not worth the effort/time/money.”
And on and on and on.
The messages that make us settle for “good enough” will be a little different for each of us, so take the time to see what yours are. Why are you rushing to fill this space? Why are you settling, really?
Taking the time to find something that really, deeply thrills us is no easy task. It requires patience + a whole lot of determination. (And, of course: you needn’t feel paralyzed waiting for The Perfect Chair — it’s wonderful to experiment and play with different options!)
Claiming your no isn’t just indulging in negativity. It’s a meaningful practice that leads you home to your yes.
TAKE ACTION!
In the comments below, tell me: What’s one thing in your life that’s not totally right? (Something you flat-out hate or just feel “meh” about.) When you tune into that no, what can you find out about your yes?
If you found this useful please share it with your family and friends to spread the love.
And stay tuned for an up coming post… If you’ve held out for Mr. Right (sofa/chair/home/artwork), I’ll share with you 11 ways to make that big ticket purchase (nearly) stress-free.
If haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter (at the top right of this page) so you don’t miss a post! We have a beautiful growing community and would to have you join us!
Sending love,
Rebecca
The Mother Rising Show is all about empowering women who are going through, have gone through or are considering divorce, to take charge of their health and happiness through supportive mental, emotional, spiritual and physical practices.
Host Margaret Jacobson, and her co-host Pamela Elaine Nichols are such lovely women and we had a wonderful connection and conversation.
We talked about…
- The healing power of beauty
- The importance of creating a sense of “cocoon” when going through transitional or challenging times.
- And how changing your space does not have to be a big expensive endeavor, but instead can be one where you can edit and/or repurpose what you already have.
Sending Love,
Rebecca
Has this ever happened to you?
You see a cute picture on Pinterest, sink into an exquisite armchair, or read an interesting article about authentic design … and suddenly you feel a surge of inspiration. Yes, you think. I will create a whole new home — one that reflects the REAL me. It will be elegant and meaningful and have a space for my painting and a tiny Buddha and those adorable Mason jar candlelights. And then … Thud. Paralysis hits. You’re stuck on that ugly green couch, spinning your wheels, too overwhelmed to move forward. Ugh!
Paralysis strikes the best of us, and can show up in a variety of ways:
- Feeling trapped in a fog of indecision.
- Obsessing over “this one or that one?!”…“keep it or toss it?!” dilemmas.
- Flying from website to website (or store to store), desperately looking for the “right” couch/curtains/rug, feeling tense and anxious the whole time. (Confession: this is how paralysis shows up for me!)
- Getting overwhelmed, saying “forget it,” and abandoning your design project, Haagen-Dazs in hand.
If paralysis has you stuck in it’s web, fear not…we can definitely work with it! The first step is getting to know and understand it.
What’s really going on, here?
The truth is, it’s not really about the stripey green couch vs. the white linen one. (But you already knew that, didn’t you?) When I work privately with clients, we slow down, get brave, and take a loving look at the deeper emotional issues creating design paralysis.
9 times out of 10, paralysis boils down to fear:
- Fear of the unknown.
- Fear of doing things “wrong” or making a mistake
- Fear of starting down a path without having every detail figured out in advance.
- Fear of that big, beautiful change you really want to make.
Think about this: remember the last time someone said to you, “now, are you absolutely sure this is what you want?” Whether it was in a furniture store, a restaurant, or a job interview, the result is usually the same for most of us: we freeze. We get shaky and sweaty. And then, in a panic, we think about our big sister (or husband or mom or dad) shaming us for changing our minds in three months.
When we feel paralyzed about a decision, we’re usually terrified to admit what we truly want.
So, we try to minimize the risk. We fantasize about the undeniably perfect, meant-to-be couch (on sale, and with a Prince Charming salesman, to boot!). We dream of the day when we’ll make decisions without an ounce of struggle or anxiety. We even dream up a better version of ourself: the woman who trusts herself, doesn’t fear judgment from others, and has no trouble deciding what to buy, what to wear, and how to change the world.
I hate to break it to you, but: few decisions in life are ever 100% fear-free. Anxiety around decisions is simply part of the human experience. It’s a bummer, it can be brutal — but there’s also a beauty to it, if you know where to look.
Choice is a brutal, beautiful, amazing, and incredibly human thing.
In my experience, the first step forward in making peace with your indecision and fear is to stop shaming or blaming the part of you that feels paralyzed. Take a deep breath. Remember to gentle with yourself.
Whatever angst or frustration you may be feeling, is a great source of information about what may be happening beneath the surface. Be curious about what is happening and how you are feeling. Give yourself lots of compassion and know that the process of creating a home is a tender project for many. Then, after realizing that you are perfectly normal…..
Try one of these powerful reframes:
1. Experimentation is Beautiful. Creativity happens when you give yourself permission to mess up. So play a little and have some fun! Try moving that purple chair from one side of the room to the other — “just to see.” Remind yourself: you can always change your mind. Purchases can be returned. You can repaint. Just take one, playful step forward — and see what happens!
2. Let Things be Messy. Ever made a spectacular, delicious meal? Chances are, your kitchen was a disaster in the midst of cooking — and that’s OK! Messiness is beautiful. It shows we’re alive, creating, changing, evolving. Embrace the messiness of decisions, and chances are you will move forward…probably with a whole lot more enjoyment as well!
3. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Baby Steps. You do not have to figure everything out before taking the first step! Try changing things in small, incremental ways … and then let the big things unfold. This can be challenging, especially when you’re not feeling the most calm and collected. But with practice, you can learn to shake off your paralysis, shift your state, and keep moving forward.
Anxiety about decisions is inevitable. But you don’t have to get stuck there. Give yourself a big dose of compassion, shake off your perfectionism and fear, and start getting playful with your home and your life!
TAKE ACTION!
In Your Home: Commit to doing one to break through your design paralysis this week. (Ex…Try moving a piece of furniture, letting go of something you have been resisting, or bringing home a new set of throw pillows to try!)
In Your Heart: Reflect on where fear, indecision and paralysis may be showing up in other areas of your life. Does the way you approach making decisions about your home mirror the ways you make decisions in other areas of your life? Be curious and allow yourself to explore what deeper insights might be available for you.
In the comments: Have you ever felt paralyzed about a decision — in your home or life? How did you shake off your fear and move forward?
And stay tuned for the next week’s post… I am going to be sharing why it’s actually awesome when you DON’T like something!
Sending Love,
Rebecca
P.S. If you found this useful please share it with your family and friends to spread the love.
And if haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter (at the top right of this page) so you don’t miss a post! We have a beautiful growing community and would to have you join us!
Notes To My Younger Self…
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Today’s post is a little different from what I normally do but I was super excited when Sarah of Yes and Yes asked me to participate in a fun project she’s putting together called “Notes To My Younger Self.” Sarah has asked a whole bunch of fabulous women to impart some wisdom on our younger selves to help to spread the word about her new course The Post College Survival Kit.
I really believe in the sharing of wisdom and life lessons learned across generations, and fear that it is a ritual that may be losing ground in todays modern world. So, I am thrilled to participate and I have to say it was such a sweet experience thinking back on my 22 year old self and remembering who she was, what she was going through and how she felt inside.
There are SO many things I wish I could tell my younger self!
Here are eight of the most important pieces of insight…
1. Be Gentle
If there was just one thing I wish I could have learned earlier in life it would have been to BE GENTLE – with myself, with others, with the past, with the future, with the present.
I spent so much of my 20’s beating myself up for not having everything “figured out.” But discovering how to be truly happy isn’t as easy as everyone says it is and it’s even harder when we’re chasing an imaginary version of “perfect.”
The truth is, you’re going to fall down, get hurt, feel afraid, do things you don’t want to, or wish you hadn’t. It’s just part of the human experience. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Learn how to comfort and soothe yourself. Treat yourself as you would your own precious child. Life is so much easier when we’re nice to ourselves.
2. Take Care of Your Body
Move it. Fuel it. Love it. It’s the vehicle from which you live your life. Respect it. Loving your body is really just the practice of being present. Appreciate how your body allows you to experience your life when you listen to it and care for it.
3. Spend as Much Time Falling in Love with Yourself as you Do Trying to Find Someone To Fall In Love With!
Also…Beware the classic “potential problem” guy (or girl). You know this person: the one who sweet talks you all day (and night) but “just can’t give you what you want right now because… (insert x,y or z) and you obviously deserve better.”
And I know what you’re telling yourself. “He has so much potential and we have such an AMAZING connection and when he figures x,y and z out we are going to have a love like no other!” Real talk: Nine times out of ten this is a serious recipe for heartbreak, a lot of drama, and hours of obsessively checking your phone to see if he’s called. Real love stems from an ability to know and love ourselves first and then be vulnerable and loving with another person. (See #4).
4. Vulnerability is the Key to Success in Any Relationship
Vulnerability is the only real path to intimacy of any kind with anyone! Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy. Vulnerability is the key. It is the core of connection and the crucial piece that keeps relationships alive.
But learning to be vulnerable can be hard – excruciating even! It requires us to be seen for who we truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly. So many of us hold an unconscious belief that we don’t deserve love and that if someone truly knew our imperfections we would be alone for the rest of our life.
Vulnerability touches the darkest parts of us but it’s also our greatest access to love and joy – Click to Tweet
The key to learning how to be vulnerable in relationship is to first learn how to be vulnerable with yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. Start building an intimate and vulnerable relationship with yourself. I promise it will lead to more secure, passionate, joyful and loving relationships with others.
5. Don’t Be Ashamed if You Don’t have the Money Thing Figured Out
Whether you have trouble making, saving, budgeting, or overspending you’re not alone – not by a long shot. I spent most of my 20’s being totally irresponsible with money and feeling deeply ashamed of it. We’re not taught this stuff in school! Struggling with money is kind of taboo in our culture; we rarely talk about it and we go to great measures to seem like we know what we’re doing.
I’d (lovingly) tell my younger self to come out of financial hiding a lot sooner. There is absolutely a way out of the money jungle and the sooner you make peace with your money struggles, the better. If you can muster the energy to get courageous and take this on, you’ll save oodles of time and so much insecurity and embarrassment. Look at it straight on. I promise it’s not as scary as you think.
6. Find A Mentor!
Your career, your life, your family, your future – you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself! Share your experience. Talk to people. Reach out for help when you’re lost or lonely. Having people we can trust with our deepest fears, insecurities, and questions is essential to finding our own answers.
I am a huge believer in the power of mentorship and mentors can take many forms – coach, therapist, teacher, friend, family members. What’s most important is that they help us find our own way while still being willing to listen, brainstorm and share wisdom. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the love and support of so many mentors I have had along the way.
7.Take care of your space!
Truth be told I was a total slob in college. Really! Sometimes I wonder how much depression, disordered eating, and lethargy I could have avoided if I understood how much my environment affected my mood. Taking care of your space = taking care of yourself and it totally pays off. You will be more productive, relaxed, and creative if your environment is functional, calm, and beautiful.
8. Have Fun, Enjoy, Play, Explore as Much as You Can
Your twenties should be devoted to getting to know yourself and that process should be as enjoyable as humanly possible. Be bold in deciding what you believe and who you are – separate of what society, your parents or peers believe.
This kind of deep but playful exploration is vital to the transition into healthy adulthood. I promise. You don’t want to wake up when you’re 40, realizing that you’re living your life based on someone else’s idea of what is “best” for you.
Listen to your heart. Create your own definition of success.
Each one of us has our own unique essence and life is so much easier when we learn to live, love and lead from this place.
Your Turn!
What advice would YOU impart on your younger self? Share in the comments below.
(Photo Credit: Doopamina Soup)
As a little girl, I used to dream of closets you’d see on tv:
The beautiful vanity covered with jewel-toned perfume bottles and fluffy makeup brushes.
Clothing hung on glossy, satin-covered hangers.Sweet pairs of shoes, arranging in rows, by color.
Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
But most of us are faced with something significantly different: jangling, tangled hangers full of clothes we’re not quite in love with and piles of shoes that could use a good polishing.
And facing that isn’t a very loving, inspiring way to start the day, is it?
One of the best ways to love yourself (and your body) is to clean out your closet. And once it’s cleaned out? You can spruce it up and make it a space that celebrates who you are and where you’re going. Really and truly, it’s possible to make your closet a space that’s filled with feelings of luxury and to make the daily act of getting dressed a ritual of self-love.
Love your closet, love yourself. – Click to Tweet
We spend time in our closets daily, but we often see them as utilitarian spaces rather than the enclaves of self-appreciation and self-love that they can be. The clothes we wear can set the tone for our day and our closets can influence our peace of mind.
Here are 7 tips to help create a closet that will nurture and support you – not just store your clothes:
1. Create a system to display your clothes with spaciousness: No more hangers jammed so tightly you can’t even look through your clothes! If you can’t see your clothes, you can’t appreciate them. Make space through judicious editing.
2. Consider wooden hangers: Not only do they require more spaciousness between clothes, but they feel luxurious. What if you could open your closet and feel like you were shopping at your favorite boutique? In Paris, during sale season, and they have everything in your size!
3. Decorate your closet with a color that inspires you + showcases your clothes: Consider paint, baskets, a rug – make your space so beautiful you can barely stand it! Even if you closet is super small, there is always a way to beautify.
4. Add art that represents your true essence: Display it in or somewhere near your closet. This will help remind you of who you are while adorning yourself every morning. Adding just a bit of art will make getting dressed in the morning a luxury experience of self-care and a quiet moment to check in with yourself.
5. Move the towels, sheets, and other linens out of your clothes closet: If at all possible, try to keep these items separate: in the bathroom, a hall closet, or even a dresser drawer is better then folded on top of a shelf in the closet. You want your closet to feel truly committed to you.
6. Store non-clothes and random stuff elsewhere: Closets have a tendency to be a dumping ground or hiding place for many, many things. If you’d like your closet to be a space dedicated to self-expression and self-love, we want to keep it clean and free of boxes, papers, vacuums, or – my personal favorite – a turkey roasting pan!
7. Decorate your closet with personal items: Shoes, handbags, favorite photos, artfully arranged knick knacks – put them on display so every time you get dressed, if feels as though you are shopping.
Take Action!
In Your Home: Which of these tips can you implement immediately to make your closet a more inviting, supportive space? Make one small change today to adjust the tone of your closet.
In Your Heart: If you don’t love your closet, think about what might be creating negative emotions there for you. Do you feel worthy of having a space that’s just for you? Are there clothes or other items in your closet that make you feel sad, guilty, or ashamed? Reflect on the emotions that come up for you around your closet and maybe journal about them.
In The Comments Below: Tell me, which of the 7 tips do you feel most compelled to try? Whats your plan?
With Love,
Rebecca
P.S. To share these tips with your friends click here!
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