If there was just one thing I wish I could have learned earlier in life it would have been to BE GENTLE – with myself, with others, with the past, with the future, with the present.

I spent so much of my 20’s beating myself up for not having everything “figured out.” But discovering how to be truly happy isn’t as easy as everyone says it is and it’s even harder when we’re chasing an imaginary version of “perfect.”

The truth is, you’re  going to fall down, get hurt, feel afraid, do things you don’t want to, or wish you hadn’t. It’s just  part of the human experience. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Learn how to comfort and soothe yourself. Treat yourself as you would your own precious child. Life is so much easier when we’re nice to ourselves.

Move it. Fuel it. Love it. It’s the vehicle from which you live your life. Respect it. Loving your body is really just the practice of being present. Appreciate how your body allows you to experience your life when you listen to it and care for it.

Also…Beware the classic “potential problem” guy (or girl). You know this person: the one who sweet talks you all day (and night) but “just can’t give you what you want right now because… (insert x,y or z) and you obviously deserve better.”

And I know what you’re telling yourself. “He has so much potential and we have such an AMAZING connection and when he figures x,y and z out we are going to have a love like no other!” Real talk: Nine times out of ten this is a serious recipe for heartbreak, a lot of drama, and hours of obsessively checking your phone to see if he’s called. Real love stems from an ability to know and love ourselves first and then be vulnerable and loving with another person. (See #4).

Vulnerability is the only real path to intimacy of any kind with anyone! Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy. Vulnerability is the key. It is the core of connection and the crucial piece that keeps relationships alive.

But learning to be vulnerable can be hard – excruciating even! It requires us to be seen for who we truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly. So many of us hold an unconscious belief that we don’t deserve love and that if someone truly knew our imperfections we would be alone for the rest of our life.

Vulnerability touches the darkest parts of us but it’s also our greatest access to love and joy – Click to Tweet

The key to learning how to be vulnerable in relationship is to first learn how to be vulnerable with yourself.  Look at yourself in the mirror. Start building an intimate and vulnerable relationship with yourself. I promise it will lead to more secure, passionate, joyful and loving relationships with others.

Whether you have trouble making, saving, budgeting, or overspending you’re not alone – not by a long shot. I spent most of my 20’s being totally irresponsible with money and feeling deeply ashamed of it. We’re not taught this stuff in school! Struggling with money is kind of taboo in our culture; we rarely talk about it and we go to great measures to seem like we know what we’re doing.

I’d (lovingly) tell my younger self to come out of financial hiding a lot sooner. There is absolutely a way out of the money jungle and the sooner you make peace with your money struggles, the better. If you can muster the energy to get courageous and take this on, you’ll save oodles of time  and so much insecurity and embarrassment. Look at it straight on. I promise it’s not as scary as you think.

Your career, your life, your family, your future – you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself! Share your experience. Talk to people. Reach out for help when you’re lost or lonely. Having people we can trust with our deepest fears, insecurities, and questions is essential to finding our own answers.

I am a huge believer in the power of mentorship and mentors can take many forms – coach, therapist, teacher, friend, family members. What’s most important is that they help us find our own way while still being willing to listen, brainstorm and share wisdom. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the love and support of so many mentors I have had along the way.

Truth be told I was a total slob in college. Really! Sometimes I wonder how much depression, disordered eating, and lethargy I could have avoided if I understood how much my environment affected my mood. Taking care of your space = taking care of yourself and it totally pays off. You will be more productive, relaxed, and creative if your environment is functional, calm, and beautiful.

Your twenties should be devoted to getting to know yourself and that process should be as enjoyable as humanly possible. Be bold in deciding what you believe and who you are – separate of what society, your parents or peers believe.

This kind of deep but playful exploration is vital to the transition into healthy adulthood. I promise. You don’t want to wake up when you’re 40, realizing that you’re living your life based on someone else’s idea of what is “best” for you.

Listen to your heart. Create your own definition of success.

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Each one of us has our own unique essence and life is so much easier when we learn to live, love and lead from this place.