So … you want to create a beautiful home with your partner. One that reflects who the  two of you are — apart and together. One where there’s space for your individual interests and tastes and room for loving connection and harmony.

Creating a home together can be so exciting….. but if we are honest, it can bring up a lot of challenging stuff, too! What do you do when you have totally different tastes? Why does talking about something as simple cleaning the dishes spiral out into a huge fight? What’s really going on here, and how can you navigate the topic of home in a way that brings you closer together, not farther apart?

When you have the right mindset and tools, co-creating a home with your partner can bring you closer together in big, beautiful ways.

Let’s start at the beginning. So many of my partnered clients come to me with complaints like,

• “I’m trying my best to create a beautiful home — but he/she doesn’t think it’s worth the time/energy/money.”
• “How on earth do I get my partner on board with the changes I want to make, when he/she keeps leaving wet towels on the floor [or other terribly annoying behavior]?”
• “I’m learning what I most want in my beautiful home, but my partner and I just don’t like the same things!”

If any of these sound familiar … you’re not alone!

Your home is a metaphor for your life. When you and your partner share a home, it will reflect your relationship, too (For better or for worse!)

Home is where your values take physical form. It reflects who you are, what you’re up to, and where you’re headed. And, home can also be the biggest minefield for emotional issues you’ve been avoiding. Old wounds. Ongoing fights. Mismatched life dreams.

As soon as we bring attention to our space, all the issues hiding under the rug get swept out into the open.

You see, your home is often a backdoor into deeper, emotional issues. (Which is why talking about “home stuff” with your honey can often get so sticky, so fast.)

But the happy flip-side of this coin is — these conversations and practices can become a beautiful way to upgrade your communication and enhance your intimacy.

Sarah Jenks’ story is a beautiful example of how home design can work absolute magic on relationships. When I arrived in her home for our authentic design intensive, she and her husband were suffering from a good deal of tension (and Sarah herself was overwhelmed and uninspired). Little did she know, their overflowing front hall closet (seems like a tiny detail, right?) was a massive source of stress and frustration in their marriage.

By working through some issues in their space and the emotional weight they represented, Sarah and her marriage got a serious upgrade. Without the strain of that messy closet triggering a deeper issue in their relationship, her husband now arrives home with a smile on his face. They also deepened their communication, cleared a major block in their relationship, and welcomed a new chapter: Sarah became pregnant very quickly thereafter! Now … if that’s not a success story, I don’t know what is!

Want a shortcut to intimacy? Talk about your home. – Click to Tweet

Unfortunately I’m not here to tell you how to get your husband/wife/partner to wash the dishes or gleefully agree to buy those throw pillows.

But I am here to guide you to the deeper issues beneath those surface-level disconnections. So that you can have conversation that will bring you two closer together … so that you both get the life + home you want.

“We just don’t like the same things” is merely the tip of the iceberg.

This oh-so-common lament indicates there are different, deeper things brewing under the hood of your relationship (and home). Differences around what you value + the hesitation to speak about it. Common underlying topics include:

• Money
• Style
• Needs
• Fears
• Wants
• Values
• Beliefs
• Childhood Stuff
• Hopes and Dreams
• Etc.

Your Turn….In what ways does YOUR home reflect or represent your relationship?  What areas do you and your partner disagree and/or have tension about the home? And what might be the deeper issue lurking beneath the surface level argument?

In The Comments Below tell me the number 1 struggle or frustration YOU deal with when it comes to creating a home with your partner?

And Stay Tuned for the next post in this series. I am going to be sharing my 3 step process for having a productive and effective home conversations with your honey!

Sending love,

Rebecca

P. S. Working with couples is one of my favorite things to do! If you and your honey are getting constantly hooked around a particular issue or topic contact me to learn more about how I can help you get unstuck ASAP!

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Last week, I talked about the inner processes fall naturally supports: turning within, getting intentional, shedding layers that no longer serve us, and getting focused and grounded before the Holiday Crazies set in. (Check out the full post right here.)

Today, I want to share some of my favorite ways to take this inner clarity and translate it to external reality–in your life and especially in your home.

Remember: your home can be so much more than just a pretty place. It can provide invaluable support as you create the life of your dreams. Craving more social gatherings? Transform that dusty den into a beautiful spot for dinner parties. Whatever priority has your attention this season, let’s make your home help you bring it to life.

This fall, harness the power of your home to bring your

intentions to life. – Click to Tweet

Here are a few of my favorite in-the-home practices for this contemplative, focused season:

1) Get Warm and Cozy.

The crisp air of fall always makes me turn inward, get contemplative, and reflect on my priorities. We can support this natural shift in the home by creating a cozy atmosphere for reflection.

If you haven’t completed the action challenge from last week yet, I encourage you to create a little spot for yourself. Place a good book, your journal and/or some meaningful trinkets near by. Soften your lighting and swap harsh overhead lights for warm candles and fireplaces. Place fuzzy blankets and cozy shawls throughout your home. Set slippers by your bed, and consider warming your towels while in the shower. Pay attention to when the sun sets, and close your draperies. Welcome the evening by shifting the energy and creating a more cozy atmosphere.

2) Check-in With Your Clutter.

Fall’s discerning energy asks us to sift through our lives, and identify what matters … and release what doesn’t. Once you get clear on this (perhaps through reflection and/or journaling) bring your clarity into physical form by clearing clutter.

Set aside an afternoon for an “editing” session. I usually don’t do a full “spring clean” in the fall, but I do clear out a few counters and cupboards, pack away summer clothes, and give my home a general simplifying and decluttering.

Remember: make this an intentional exercise. Instead of clearing out things willy-nilly, start by asking yourself what’s really important in your life, and what you’re ready to release. Then, from this place, tour your home with fresh eyes, and release a few things that no longer support where you are and where you’re headed. (This post will help!)

3) Make Your Intentions and Priorities Visible.

Ready to re-live the back-to-school excitement of your childhood? Fall is the perfect time to tie up loose ends and take action on what matters most to you.

Once you identify what you’d like to do, let your home support you in making it happen. Make a list of priorities and put it front and center: on your fridge or nightstand. Got a self-care practice you keep “forgetting”? Put it into your calendar and make that time non-negotiable. Take those priorities and intentions and turn them into plans!

4) Celebrate Abundance.

Fall is the season of letting go and releasing … but it’s also the season of the harvest, and celebrating the fruits of our labors.

Create and display objects that represent fall’s bounty, for you. This could be a produce display (a literal “horn of plenty”). The best symbols though, contain personal meaning. What have you created this year that needs some celebrating? Display that project you finished or frame that photo of your friends or new baby. Create literal reminders in your home of all the abundance in your life.

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: Set aside a few hours this week to give your home some love. Find at least three things to release (or “edit” out of your space). Connect each one with the “bigger picture”: what deeper patterns or outdated dreams are you ready to let go of, this season?

In Your Heart: Take a little time for your inner poet/mystic/contemplative. Make a cozy spot for yourself, grab your journal and a cup of tea, and get quiet. What is your heart longing for, this season? What abundance needs some celebrating? Find some simple ways to honor what’s most alive and lovely for you, now.

In the Comments Below:  I would love to know which one of these ideas gets you most excited AND…what are your favorite ways to transition your home for fall?  Can’t wait to connect with you in the comments below.

Sending love,

Rebecca

P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working privately with me (in person or via Skype), you can learn all about it right here.

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This time of year, I hear so many people professing their undying love for fall, their “favorite!” season. My relationship with fall isn’t quite so cut-and-dry. I’m naturally more of a free-spirited, summer girl. I love summer’s sunshine and bright colors, fresh flowers and spaciousness.

Yet as the days grow shorter and the leaves begin to turn, fall offers a natural counterpoint to the big, extroverted energy of summer.

Summer’s big parties give way to quiet tea dates. Exciting new ideas start coming to life through day-to-day actions. It is both a soft and productive time of year for me.

Over the years I have learned to deeply appreciate the innate value of the fall season. I now understand and look forward to it as a time to ground and balance myself after the big, nourishing, high energy of summer.

As the fall season begins, it invites us to shift our attention from summer’s extroversion into a more quiet, focused, and grounded space — in our hearts, in our homes, and in our lives.

Intention is the thread woven between your space and your situation.     Click To Tweet

Fall is the season for what I call “Interior Intention.” In short, this is the process of turning within, asking ourselves what we really want in life, and making sure our spaces reflect and support our biggest dreams, values, and desires. (Read all about this and the 4 other keys to “Wake Up and Love Where You Live” in my free e-book. Sign up to receive your copy at the top right of this page!)

Fall offers several opportunities for us to bring Interior Intention to life, in deep and tangible ways. Tap into one of the following that most calls your name … or cycle through the entire progression throughout the season:

1. Turn Within and Reflect.

As shadows lengthen, leaves turn, and the big energy of summer settles, fall invites us into a more contemplative way of being. I feel drawn to soften…quieting my mind, and turning within. Meditation, prayer, and setting intentions all feel easier and more necessary in this season, for me.

2. Clarify Priorities and Set Intentions.

Once we turn within and reflect, fall invites us into a discernment process. It asks us two crucial questions: What truly matters most to me? And: Why is this important?

Fall’s energy gives us an opportunity to step into being more present, sharpening our focus, and getting deliberate about sifting through what’s working and what’s not working, in our lives.

3. Shed Layers that No Longer Serve You.

As we clarify what matters most to us, it’s natural to identify some things that we’re ready to release. Projects that no longer deserve our attention; friendships we’ve outgrown; clothes, recurring coffee dates, or old priorities that simply don’t serve, anymore.

We enjoy an external reflection of this, as leaves begin to fall. This season, ask yourself: What “leaves” am I ready to let loose from my life? Allow the inner reflection of fall support and guide any decisions you need to make around what needs releasing and/or letting go of. (And remember…take special care to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Even the smallest transitions can trigger a grieving process.)

4. Get Focused and Organized.

Once you’ve turned within, discerned what truly matters to you, and released what doesn’t, it’s time to get to work creating your life with clear intention. Fall’s crisp air and grounded energy can support us in checking things off our To Do lists and tying up loose ends.

I think much of this energy stems from the childhood back-to-school memories that fall conjures: I loved the ritual of getting pretty new notebooks and working hard to better myself. As adults, fall remains one of the most productive times of the year for many of us. So … pull out your checklist. Set aside some time to clean out your closet. Tie up those loose ends and free up your energy by closing circles. Assign small, do-able action steps to each of your intentions … and place that list in a highly visible place (on your fridge or desk.)

5. Get Grounded and Present Before the Holiday Craziness.

The Holiday season is a wonderful time — yet it can also be stressful and taxing. That’s why I find it so important to prepare during fall: to take time for quiet, self-care, and connecting with myself. The more authentic moments I can create during the fall season, the more resourced and clear-headed I can be during the Holidays.

Especially if you’re naturally introverted or chronically stressed, take some time this season to store up your reserves. Go to bed a little earlier, make that home-cooked stew, or perhaps trade a night out for a night in cuddled up on the couch.

Here’s to wishing you the most abundant and cozy fall, ever!

Stay Tuned! Next week, I’ll share my favorite ways to translate this inner work into tangible practices for your home and life!

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: You’ve got some reflecting to do … so create a cozy, contemplative spot for it in your home. Adorn it with a candle, a blanket, and your favorite books or journal.

In Your Heart: Breathe into your heart. What are you being drawn to, this season? More dinner parties, more solitude, less rushing? Pick 1-3 big themes for this fall, and brainstorm a few simple ways to honor them.

In the Comments:  Does this season’s energy strike you as quiet and focusing, or something else, entirely? How do you love honoring the energy of fall?

Sending love,

Rebecca

P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working privately with me (in person or via Skype), you can learn all about it right here.

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Do you ever find yourself feeling mopey, uninspired or just plain old “blah” in the mornings?

My morning motivation has been particularly challenged this week having just returned from a two week adventure with my husband in gorgeous Italy! We had the best time… lots of good food, good wine, beautiful art, romantic sunsets, naps and my personal favorite… quality time with my man. We had time to reflect, connect and have deep and honest conversations (at leisure which is the best) about who we are, where we have come and where we are headed. It was an exciting but also an incredibly grounding trip and I am so grateful. (See a few fun pics from our trip here!)

As you can imagine though, transitioning back into the swing of everyday life (with jet lag) has been a bit mopey… especially in the mornings!

Now, I know the typical list of ideas and advice that are sure to help anyone perk up in morning…things like:

•  Drive out to the mountains and hike amongst the greenery
• Pop down to the farmers’ market, buy your favorite flowers, and share bouquets with your friends
• Go to your favorite coffee shop and read something inspirational
• Paint an accent wall in your bedroom a soothing color to wake up to

And yes….we would feel immeasurably better if we tried any of the above BUT they all take (at the very least) an hour. And after being away from work and other life commitments for two weeks I really haven’t had that kind of time.

Instead, this week I have been practicing the easiest and most effortless way I know to lift anyones morning mood – in just 30 seconds.

Opening your windows!

I realize this seems eye-rollingly simple, but I can’t tell you how many times clients have complained about a mope-inducing room and when I check it out, I see that the shades are drawn against the daylight. And obviously I’m not immune to this myself! There are so many days I’ve found myself slouching around in my pajamas, unmotivated to do anything, only to look up and realize that it’s midday and I’ve haven’t seen any daylight yet!

Fresh air and sunlight are crucial to our mental and physical health. Sunlight boosts serotonin, reduces stress, improves sleep, and can even reduce cancer risks. Access to fresh air improves our blood pressure and heart rate, strengthens our immune systems, and increases energy.

Luckily for us, accessing this invigorating, refreshing air and light is often as easy as pulling the cord on that blind and pushing open the window. Even if it’s cold outside, just a few minutes of gusty, clean air can revive you and give you (and your space) a fresh start.

I know it’s simple but I promise you – it’s huge. Pull up the shades, let the crisp fall air in, and, by golly, if those windows are dirty, clean ‘em.

This week I challenge you to:

In your Home: Get acquainted with the state of your windows. Do they need any repairs or cleaning? Commit to opening your shades – and the whole window if you can –  every day and notice if you feel a difference in your mood.

In your Heart: If you realize that you have been unconsciously living in the dark, ask yourself what this might be a metaphor for in your life? What are your dirty, dark windows mirroring back to you?

In the Comments Below: I would love to know what other quick and simple things you do to brighten your mood? Lets create a running list together!

Sending Love,

Rebecca

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Have you ever heard the saying, “How you do one thing is how you do everything?”

 This powerful idea can unlock rich ah-ha’s.  And it’s one big reason why looking at the spaces we create (our homes), can have a huge ripple effect in every area of our lives — money, relationships, body, career, spirituality, and on and on.

Today, I want to talk about MONEY.

Particularly: how we can discover and support our money relationship by working with our space.

Because your relationship with your home can speak volumes about your relationship with money. And working directly with your home can be an incredible catalyst for shifting your money relationship — from the outside-in, and the inside-out.

I am so excited to share this teaching as a  “Money Mentor” over Bari Tessler Linden’s blog today. (More about Bari’s amazing work below.)

Click here to read the full article…

“Our Homes Reveal What Matters To Us Most.

 Just Like Our Checkbooks.”

You’ll learn:

• 6 common home design patterns that may mirror our relationship to money (from ultra-minimalist to clutter and everything in between.)
• Simple ways to clear space for more abundance in your home, life, and wallet.
• Why imbuing our homes with beauty and meaning is essential.
• How to know when extravagant purchases become too much of a good thing.
• How to upgrade your home when you’re short of funds — and why this is so important.

And if you don’t know Bari Tessler Linden and her amazing money work yet, let me tell you: She’s incredible! Bari has a gift for “un-shaming” our money “stuff” in deep, gentle, and nourishing ways. I’ve been a huge fan of her work for many years now and I am honored to be featured on her blog today.

Click here to read my article on Bari’s blog

(And be sure to peruse her beautiful site while you’re there!)

Finally, if you find this article useful and/or interesting I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Could you identify with one of the 6 types? Look forward to chatting with you!

Sending Love,

Rebecca

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