When Traditions Go Stale…

“Tradition is not to preserve the ashes, but to pass on the flame.”      ~ Gustav Mahler

When I was a child, we had tons of Holiday traditions. One of my favorites: every Christmas Eve, my two younger sisters would sleep in my room. We’d talk, giggle, fight a little (as sisters do), be cozy and stay up far later than we should. Then, we’d wake up at the crack of dawn, excited for the day — and wait for our parents to say it was OK for us to come downstairs. Finally, we’d all descend together, welcomed by a warm fireplace and presents under the tree.

I loved this tradition! But, as you can imagine, there came a time when it had to change. My sisters and I grew up and moved away. Now, as adults, we’re finding our own, new traditions — and balancing them with whatever we can bring from the old.

There comes a moment when traditions must evolve.

It’s important to allow them to shift or fall away. It’s normal to feel some sadness as we outgrow traditions — or even start new ones. Life changes. We change. And it’s important to honor those changes and grieve what we’ve released.

The personal development world is full of suggestions to “cut the cord,” separate ourselves from our parents, and blaze our own trails. There’s certainly a very important place for all this — yet honoring tradition can also be beautiful.

Connecting with our past, history, and lineage can keep us grounded, and help us steer with great intention into the direction we wish to grow. We can cut the cord while still remaining connected.

The Holiday season is a time to honor old traditions and create new ones. To honor what ties us together and to celebrate what makes each of us unique. To look back, look ahead, and be present to the beauty of the here-and-now.

Tradition is built from legacy. But it’s sustained by change.

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This Holiday season, step into the flame of tradition. Step into the flame of an ever-evolving, ever-changing life. Step into the flame of the questions:

“Who am I?”
“What can I bring to the essence of my legacy?”
“How can I make this tradition more alive?”
“How can I stay connected to the roots that brought me here and reach into my uniqueness?”

You don’t have to throw everything away to strike out on your own. You can adapt to life’s new twists and unforeseen turns — and acknowledge what’s changed.

Sometimes, traditions shift. Other times, they crack and break.

A loved one dies. Your Aunt and Uncle get divorced. And suddenly, those old traditions don’t make sense anymore. You don’t need to pretend everything’s the same — or even that it doesn’t hurt.

When I worked in hospice, one of the most painful things for people who’d lost someone was going to a family gathering where everyone pretended nothing had changed. Of course, their hearts were in the right place, and they were dealing with their own grief and anxiety as best they could. But not speaking to the loss didn’t make it easier — it made it even more painful.

One of the most healing things we can do when someone dies is to acknowledge them in some way: this can be as dramatic as setting a plate for them, with candle and photo — or as simple as saying a few words in remembrance. Remember and move forward. Breathe and grieve.

When there’s a crack in your tradition, treat it as an invitation to go deeper into what truly matters to you. If you can’t travel to Grandma’s Big Christmas Day Gathering this year, tune into what’s really important about being there. Is it connecting with your family? Great! Phone or Skype them. When you connect with your deepest desire, there’s always a way to bring it to life.

What legacy do you want to create?

You don’t have to wait until you have kids or your parents pass away to create your own traditions. Take a few moments before (or during) the frenzy of this holiday season to reflect on what’s most meaningful to you during this season, and what traditions might bring that alive, for you. Consider…

• Keeping your favorite traditions alive.
• Re-sparking or updating past traditions.
• Releasing old traditions that no longer fit or serve.
• Creating your own, new beautiful traditions.

Home is the container that holds your traditions.

Your home is so much more than four walls and a roof. It’s a sacred space, filled with personal meaning and stories. This year, make conscious choices about what traditions you fill your space with … and just see how alive it becomes!

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home:  Are there certain spots that remind you of past events, traditions, or people? Find small, tangible ways to celebrate the memories you love (with a photograph or memento), and/or move things around if they trigger unhappy memories.

In Your Heart: Take a moment to connect to what matters most to you this holiday season. Contemplation and personal reflection? Connection with friends and family? Sensual delights? Identify your core desires and feelings, and make a pact with yourself to reconnect to them over and over again this season — especially when things get busy and stressful!

In the Comments Below…I would love to hear about your favorite holiday traditions!

Wishing you are beautiful holiday season and a happy new year!

Sending love,
Rebecca

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