Holy moly I can’t believe its the day before Thanksgiving! Time is flying!

It has been a crazy couple weeks and I am excited about taking the next few days to relax and spend time with family and close friends.

We are hosting Thanksgiving at our home this year (minus cooking the turkey because my Dad volunteered! So awesome, right?) After I sign off here, my plan is to spend the day putzing around my home making it cozy and beautiful.

But don’t get me wrong, this “putzing” the day before hosting a big event is a skill I am continuously learning about.  In the past it would have been a very different scene….. most likely where I spend the whole day running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to find just the right napkins, plates, name tags, flowers, etc. for the perfect Thanksgiving . The day would then conclude with me frantically screeching into the driveway, unloading bags of “stuff” I don’t need, feeling incredibly stressed and probably picking a fight with my husband because he is sitting on the couch with his feet up doing exactly what the holidays are all about… relaxing and enjoying himself!

Over the years I have had to learn about the “art” of being not only a happy host, but also a happy guest at my own party.

As I mentioned in my Wedding post last week, a great occasion is really about presence. Even if we’re surrounded by the very best and beautiful things, we can’t enjoy them if we don’t have the presence of mind to truly be in the moment.

Whether you are going to be the host or a guest the year, the most important element for a Happy Thanksgiving gathering is your presence. When we are present (instead of perfect), we have such a greater chance at enjoying everyone around us, dancing with unexpected twists ’n turns, and most importantly being grateful for what we have.

With all that being said though….

There are many tangible things we actually CAN do to help ourselves be more centered and grounded on a big occasion like Thanksgiving.

Below are some of my favorite tips for being both a fabulous host and guest this holiday season!  I hope you find these helpful and be sure to share any other tips and tricks you may have of your own in the comments below!

Wishing you a beautiful, peaceful and fun Thanksgiving holiday!

With love,
Rebecca

Thanksgiving Tips For Hosts:

Look at lighting. Beautiful lighting can create a sense of warmth, connectedness, and flow. Adorn your home with candles, soften those overhead lights, and make it cozy!

Think about who’s coming, and what would make them most comfortable. Would your guests get squeamish if you asked them to take turns saying what they’re grateful for? Then don’t do it! Tailor your plans for your guests’ comfort: from the food to the activities to the seating arrangements.

Be a peaceful leader.  As the host, your presence truly ripples out to everyone there. If you’re stressed about the turkey or anxious about Uncle Jack, your guests will pick up on this, and be stressed, too. However, if you’re calm (and not just pretending to be calm!), everyone else will relax. Plan for everything to be ready and settled 20-30 minutes before your guests arrive, so you can put up your feet, read a magazine, and enjoy the calm.

Ask for and receive support. Get creative with this! Can you have someone come clean your house the day before or after? Could you book a massage the day before? What about cooking the turkey in the morning, then watching a movie before everyone arrives? Accept support from others before, during, and after the event. (Often, tension as a host comes from a reluctance to receive support, believing we have to “do it all” ourselves. This just plain isn’t true! When you ask for help (or receive it graciously when it’s offered), you’ll invite others to take care of themselves, too … which leads to more presence and peace … and that’s where the real magic of a gathering begins!

Shift your furniture to facilitate connection. Create little areas for different-sized conversations. That lone chair you read in? Pull up a companion for it, so two people can have an intimate conversation. Create larger and smaller arrangements so different sized groupings of people can talk easily.

Adorn your home with intentions. Every time I light a candle, I say a little intention (for joy, ease, love, etc). So when my guests arrive and there are lots of candles in my home, they’re actually walking into a meadow of meaning! This way, even if my guests aren’t the kind of people who’d love sharing appreciations or setting intentions out loud, I’ve already enjoyed this ritual, in my own way.

Play soft music. I think of music as the thread that weaves an event together. We want it to be soft enough so it doesn’t steal the show, but pleasant enough to set a beautiful mood.

Make time for your favorite parts. For the reasons I mentioned above, you can imagine that Sean (my husband) used to hate it when I hostessed parties. I ran around like a crazy person, attending to all the details — and it wasn’t fun for anyone. When I finally realized that in order to create an enjoyable experience for my guests, I needed to enjoy myself too, everything changed! For me, this meant identifying my favorite parts of hostessing, and making time for them. Back then, I would spend so much time cooking (which I didn’t love), that I’d run out of time to do my favorite: make things beautiful! Now, I’ve learned to get support for the cooking, so I can spend more time doing what I do best and love: creating a beautiful environment for the gathering. Take a moment to identify what you love most about hosting, and find creative ways to make more time for it.

Thanksgiving Tips for Guests:

Be present. Even if you aren’t the host, you can show up as a leader: model presence, love, and calm for everyone around you. You’ll have a better time — and so will they! Take a few minutes before you leave the house to breathe, relax, and set the intentions to have a wonderful time.

Be helpful. Calmly offer to help your host, in small, creative ways — like setting the table, pouring drinks, or cleaning up. Be sensitive to the fact that your host may not want to receive help, though; if taking care of everything is a source of pride for them, don’t deprive them of it.

Be responsible for your own comfort. If you need a break, take one. If you get cold, put on a sweater. If you’re allergic to nuts, make sure you don’t eat any. It sounds simple, but taking responsibility for your own needs is actually one of the most helpful things you can do. Strive to care for yourself gracefully — and you just might inspire others to do the same. This will help everyone have a better time (including the host!).

Be open. Things probably won’t go exactly as you imagined. Go with the flow: embrace that new tradition, try that new recipe, have a talk with that new friend.

Be grateful. Hosting a big gathering takes a ton of work, so be sure to thank your host. Share specific things you enjoyed and appreciated. Let them know that you know how much work they put into things, and how grateful you are.

Whether you’re the host or the guest this Thanksgiving (or staying solo!), take a few moments to set intentions for yourself, get grounded, and truly arrive. Then let the magic and merriment begin!

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: What can you do to create a little more warmth and flow in your home, today? A few candles here, a pretty gourd there? Take a little tour of your home, as if you were a guest arriving for a party. What would make things more inviting? (You’re worth these little touches just as much as a guest is!)

In Your Heart: What are your favorite practices for getting more calm, centered, and present? (Meditation, visualization, deep breathing, yoga, going for a walk, playing with your dog …) Identify a few simple practices that put you at ease, and make a mental note to do these before your next gathering.

And I would love to hear what tips and tricks you have for creating a beautiful, intentional and sane Thanksgiving experience. Be sure to share in the comments below!

P.S. If you like this post please be sure to share it with your friends!

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(All photos by Tanja Lippert)

My husband and I just celebrated our 1-year anniversary. But in a way, I almost missed my wedding.

There I was, standing at the edge of the redwood grove. All of our friends and family were gathered. My heart was pounding with excitement as I waited for the wedding planner to give my Dad and I the go-ahead to start walking down the long, earthen aisle towards my sweet groom.

As she nodded to us that it was time, I noticed that something was terribly wrong.  I could hear the music playing, and that song that was so important to me — my favorite song! — was ever-so-slightly off. I hastily whispered to the planner that it was wrong. She shook her head and said it was fine.

Nonononono! My mind spun out into frustration, blame, and disappointment.  How could they have messed this up?? After we went over it so many times?! I had imagined that dramatic moment of walking down the aisle so many times … and now, it wouldn’t be perfect.

My heart sank a little. And the moment began slipping away.

And right then — it happened. I took a step, heard a riiiiip! and nearly fell flat on my face. I looked down, and saw a long piece of my beautiful wedding dress had torn.

In that moment, everything became clear as crystal. I heard a loud voice booming in my head. It said, “You really don’t want to miss this.”

In that moment, I was yanked out of my mental chatter — and compelled into the here-and-now.

In that moment, I released the need for everything to be perfect. I became fully present. Open. Surrendered. And that’s when the real magic started to happen.

I am so grateful for the moment when my dress ripped.

It could have been my very worst nightmare. But instead, it was exactly what I needed to fully arrive that day. So that I could notice everything around me … and remember it, forever.

I will never forget …

… The smile on Sean’s face, the warmth in his eyes and how I literally could not look at anyone but him.

… The moment in the middle of the ceremony when a huge gust of wind tore through that calm redwood grove, raining hundreds of soft needles to the ground.

… How unbelievably calm I felt in my body, despite the endless amounts of excitement and nervous energy that had filled it most of the morning.

… How silent it was in the grove, even though there were over 230 people there. Even the kids were quiet.

… What it felt like to have a community of loving family and friends witness our love and vow to support our commitment as we walk the path of marriage

My dress ripping was one of the least “perfect” things that could have happened that day. But it was the perfect instant that plugged me back into the real-ness of that day: the grandeur, the tiny details, and the intangible beauty of it all.

Beauty isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

– Click To Tweet

Of course, the beauty of that day wasn’t the result of that single moment, alone. It also came from months and months of planning and intention-setting.

As I planned my wedding day, I was developing the 5 principles of my work:  Insight, Functionality, Intention, Meaning, and Beauty. (To learn more download my free e-book at the top right of this page) And I infused all of these principles into our wedding.

But foremost on my mind was beauty. It was the driving force for our wedding. Sean and I wanted it to be a beautiful day — not only for us, but for all of our guests. We wanted to celebrate and announce our love to our community, while providing inspiration and an opportunity for our guests to connect with the love in their hearts.

Doing this required me to deeply surrender. To open my heart. To be seen by my community, receive abundance, and feel how good it can really be. Most of all though, it required me to release my attachments … and simply be there.

Sure, I cared about the flowers, the setting, the lighting, music, and food. (What bride doesn’t?!) But what I learned was that the intention that Sean and I set for our special day — to provide a beautiful experience for everyone involved — was what made the magic happen.

This power of intention brought our wedding to life — and it’s also what creating any great event (or a meaningful home) is about. We pour out our heartfelt intentions, and then become intensely present. We set the stage for beauty … and then let it flow.

Other things went wrong that day. Goofy, wonderful, perfect things.

At dinner, we served soup and salad: the soup in a little demitasse cup, perched on the side of the salad plate. Over half of our guests poured the soup on their salad, thinking it was dressing! Oh, we loved this!

We laughed at all the goofy things like this, that “went wrong,” but gave us all the chance to giggle and simply be in the joy with each other, heart-to-heart. The more present Sean and I were (even when things weren’t perfect), the more this energy rippled out to everyone else. The result was a beautiful day that felt real — but not stuffy.

And we weren’t the only ones who felt the magic that day.

One man told us that he had been looking for God … and found it in that redwood grove.

Another woman shared that she had arrived that day, so angry at her husband. But during the ceremony, she grabbed his hand … and they reconnected.

We didn’t create these miracles. They simply happened. What we did was create the space that called everyone to be comfortable and present, that day.

Presence is the intangible manifestation of beauty. – Click To Tweet

We’re constantly surrounded by beauty, but we can’t experience it unless we’re present for it. This is true for all of life: big occasions and Tuesday afternoons, cathedrals and cozy nooks.

Perfection is the enemy of presence. When we get hung up on making things perfect (or getting upset when they’re not), we lose touch with the here-and-now. Our aliveness starts slipping away … and we miss out on the magic of the moment.

When you can be with what’s imperfect, (in your life and your home) you’ll find beauty there.

I encourage you to embrace the messy, the undone, the misshapen and the odd. Celebrate those quirky things in your home that only make sense to you and your family. When your dinner party goes horribly, awkwardly awry; laugh, stick with it, and show up for the magic.

It is the imperfect that brings uniqueness to our spaces and lives. The imperfect makes things alive … it puts the heart into our homes and is ultimately what Beautiful Living is all about!

My wedding day was a beautiful experience for me because I poured so much intention into it … which was catalyzed in that one, magical moment when my dress tore … and I woke up and became fully present. Work and surrender. Practice and patience.

It was a rite of passage for me. Not only into my marriage, but also into deeper groundedness, more aliveness, and greater access to joy and vitality. And it has motivated me to create more experiences like this for myself and my community. Experiences where we can feel fully alive and deeply present to all the beauty around us.

As Thanksgiving approaches, think about how you might bring some of these insights into this special gathering.

If you’re hosting, think about how you can set the scene with intention and beauty, and become mindful enough that your guests feel at ease. If you’re a guest, think about how you can show up with presence, peace, and joy.

And most of all: plan for things to be imperfect … and when things do go wrong, remind yourself to take a breath, stay present, and show up for the beauty that will undoubtedly unfold if we let it.

Sending love, Rebecca

P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends.

And Get Support! Are you going through something that you’d love to bring greater intention, clarity, purpose, and presence to? Whether it’s as big as your wedding or as small (but mighty!) as a daily practice, if you’d like to work on it, I’d love to support you.  Click here to learn more about my new Interior Life Design Program and/or contact me to set up a free 30 minute introductory call!

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For many years, I denied my need for beauty.  I pretended it didn’t matter, it didn’t get me anywhere, or just plain wasn’t important.

I had all sorts of judgments and fears about it — and why I was wrong for wanting it. I had fallen into some of our modern, fast-paced world’s rampant judgments around beauty: it’s an unnecessary luxury, and wanting it makes me materialistic.

It took me a long time to admit how important beauty was to me.

I had to stop judging myself for wanting it

and start appreciating myself for loving it.

Now, I embrace beauty. It has become a driving force in my life — something I strive to surround myself with, and appreciate, everyday. And I’m a far happier person for it!

I believe that beauty is a fundamental human need .. and most of us are starving for it.

I’m on a mission to bring beauty back into our homes and lives.

In our cold, busy, modern world, we’ve forgotten the value of beauty. We’ve lost appreciation for color, design, flow, and harmony.

When we surround ourselves with beauty, we strengthen our connection with our natural essence, our passion, and our purpose. We see our truest, highest selves reflected back to us.

I call this reflection Interior Beauty.

Wherever you find beauty you have also found a source of comfort, hope and self.

Beauty is not trivial or materialistic. It is a fundamental expression of your humanity. And your desire for it is real, trustworthy, and incredibly important.

When I work with clients to infuse more beauty into their lives and spaces, we see reliable benefits; Over and over again! Things like:

• Feeling more centered and grounded naturally
• Experiencing a peaceful sense of well-being
• Having more resilience in times of stress
• Greater access to joy and gratitude
• Enhanced intimacy and cooperation with those around us
• An easeful connection to spirit and divinity (whatever this means to you).

Perhaps most importantly, surrounding yourself with beauty makes it easier for you to feel like you.

Why? Because beauty is inherently subjective. What you find beautiful — be it a birdsong, the Mona Lisa, or your child’s artwork — reflects who you are and what matters to you.

Beauty is your essence looking back at you. – Click to Tweet!

Imagine if you could feel more like yourself — especially in stressed, harried moments — simply by looking around your home. If, when life throws you one of its inevitable challenges, and you start feeling pulled in a thousand directions, you could quickly and gently return back to yourself and what matters most to you. This is why filling your home with things you find beautiful is so important!

But so many of us put beauty on the back burner. Even if we admit it’s important to us, we only allow ourselves to indulge in it once everything else on our To Do list is done. Even worse, many of us completely deny our need for beauty … or have buried our desire so deep, we actually don’t have relationship with beauty, at all.

Working through our resistances is the first step to bringing beauty into our lives and harnessing its power.

Are you carrying around any of these judgments, fears or negative beliefs about beauty?

• It’s a total folly
• It’s a waste of time (my To Do list is more important)
• It’s a luxury I don’t need (or deserve)
• If I care about it, that makes me superficial, materialistic, “high maintenance,” or snobby.
• I don’t deserve beauty in my life because … fill in the blank
• I have to earn beauty (what are your conditions?)
• I don’t know how to create beauty in my life (I’m not “crafty” or artistic)
• Beauty didn’t matter to my mother/grandmother/role model, and they were just fine, so I should do without it, too.

As powerful as these ideas may feel — they’re merely thoughts and patterned beliefs….and they don’t need to rule your life!

For many of us these beliefs are not even our own:  we inherit them from our parents, our partners, our culture. They are not who we truly are and it’s so vital that we unravel these patterns and form our own relationship with beauty.

The more you can begin letting beauty in your your home and heart, the quieter these messages will become. I promise.

Remember: beauty isn’t about things. It doesn’t need to be expensive or time-consuming. A single wildflower, if it’s meaningful to you, can be more beautiful than a diamond.

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: What is one small, simple way you can bring more beauty into your space this week? Remember: this doesn’t need to be costly or extravagant! Brainstorm a few simple ideas, like playing some of your favorite music, hanging that cherished photo, or setting your dinner table with your best linens, for no other reason than to simply…enjoy!

In Your Heart: What fears and judgments have blocked the flow of beauty, in your life? Identify the two strongest for you and visualize them in the palm of your hand, like dandelion puff. Now, take a deep breath, bringing as much self-love and compassion into your heart as possible. On your exhale, blow these thoughts away, and let the wind carry them away. Practice this anytime you find yourself ignoring your need for beauty.

In the Comments:  Tell me about an exquisitely beautiful moment you have experienced in your home or life recently. How did it nourish you?

Stay tuned: Next week, I’ll share the role Beauty played in planning my wedding … and how it showed up in the most unexpected and perfect ways.

Sending love,
Rebecca

 P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working privately with me (in person or via Skype), contact me to set up your free 30 minute consultation!

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“Speak your mind … even if your voice shakes.” ~ Maggie Kuhn

Read no further if:

• You never have any trouble speaking up about what you want;
• You’re completely confident in your ability to face opposition;
• You always navigate disagreement with grace and aplomb — and never wilt, collapse, or get angry.

OK. How many of you are left? Everyone? Yep…

Today, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about holding firm in my truth. Keep in mind: even if you’re not currently in an intimate relationship, you can apply everything in this post to other areas of your life where you experience conflict — with your coworkers, family, roommate, or friends.

It’s hard enough to get clear on what you want. And to get brave enough to share it with your partner. But: defend your position when s/he disagrees? What are we — emotional ninjas??

You think the office should be olive green; your girlfriend demands brick red. You hate that old, overstuffed recliner; he insists it stays. You want a sleek, modern look; your partner wants shabby chic.

If you’re interested in co-creating a home with your partner, your satisfaction and success will be directly tied to your ability to speak up and stand firm in your truth.

Notice: “stand firm” does not mean “get tyrannical.” Nor does it mean shying away from your desires. It’s a fluid, responsive, compassionate practice in which you remain clear and confident in your own desires — and open to your partner’s feedback and needs.

Think back to the last time you shared a vulnerable desire with your partner. Whether it was a big deal or a tender detail, you mustered the courage to speak— and s/he pushed back. (Take a moment to bring an example to mind — either from the past, or an imagined scenario.) How did you respond?

We all have our own style of reacting when someone disagrees with what we want. Unfortunately, many times our reactions aren’t always the healthiest for our relationships, and they often hold us back from creating the happiness we truly want. Some common flavors of not standing firm in our truth include:

• Collapsing. “Oh, maybe I don’t actually want that, after all. S/He’s right. It’s not really that important, anyway.”
• Getting Angry. “Screw you for not being on board! You never support what matters to me.”
• Disengaging. “Oh. No, that’s fine. I’m just going to take a bath and then not talk to you for a few days.”

Each of these responses, at their core, are ways of throwing away your hard-won clarity.

Your clarity is precious. When someone challenges it, don’t squander it by collapsing, getting angry, or disengaging. Stand firm in your truth.

– Click to Tweet

If you catch yourself “in the act” of giving up your position or getting reactive, don’t fret. You’ve already interrupted the pattern! Now’s your chance to dance some new steps with your partner. Here’s how:

1. Slow down.

Breathe. Connect with yourself. If you want to relate authentically with someone, you must ground and center into yourself, first.

2. Ask Yourself: What Belief or Fear Is Running The Show?

Some common examples:

• “My desires and opinions aren’t valid if someone disagrees with them.”
• “I’ll never have what I want, anyway.”
• “I don’t deserve to have what I want.”
• “I must be a doormat to be liked.”
• “I must be a dictator to remain in control.”
• “I must avoid conflict, at all cost.”
• “My desires for beauty, comfort, and luxury should always be trumped by money fears and guilt.”

3. Be Brave and Look Beyond Compromise.

Sometimes, compromise is healthy. But often, we tell ourselves we’re compromising — when we’re actually just avoiding conflict. (Or secretly wishing our partner would get the hint that it’s his/her turn to compromise!) And that’s a recipe for resentment.

The health of your relationship relies on your willingness

to be brave, get vulnerable, and speak up.

So instead of shrugging, “it’s not worth fighting over,” or trying to smooth things over with a compromise where neither of you end up truly happy, slow down. Take a moment to connect with what’s true for you and then get open and curious. Might there be a third option? See if you can put your heads together and come up with a creative solution where you both win.

4. Tread Softly With Yourself.

Be as curious and compassionate with yourself (and your partner) as you can. Treat this challenge as an opportunity for self-discovery … and know that communication in relationship is an ever evolving process.

How you and your partner have these conversations about life + home is just as important as the results that come from them.

Sometimes, the most challenging conversations

are the ones that create the deepest intimacy. – Click To Tweet

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: Put your Sherlock cap on and walk through your space, hunting for something (big or tiny) that you and your sweetheart simply don’t agree on, no matter how you try.

In Your Heart: Grab a journal and write about how you and your partner have related around this spot or item. What happened? Did you collapse, get angry, or disengage? Have you avoided talking about it, at all? (That’s disengaging, too!) How would you like to show up differently, here?

In the Comments: How do disagreements about “home” (or anything else) play out in your relationship? Do you have any tips for standing more firmly in your truth?

Sending love,
Rebecca

P. S. If you tired of fighting with your partner about (insert x, y, z) and/or are struggling to find your voice in your relationship I can help. Contact me today to learn more about how! Can’t wait to hear from you!

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Welcome back, lovebirds!

Last week, we sparked a conversation about co-creating a home with your sweetheart: what’s really going on when you two connect or combust over your home, and why “we just don’t like the same things” is merely the tip of the emotional iceberg. (In case you missed it, that post is right here.)

Big take-away: your home isn’t just a physical place. It’s where your personality, dreams, quirks, blocks, and gifts take physical form. Talking about your home can be charged and challenging … BUT with the right tools, it can also be a powerful shortcut to intimacy.

Loving reminder: even if you’re not in a relationship right now, you can take these suggestions to heart. You may want to think back to a previous relationship, and muse on what you could have done differently (but only if you do so with complete compassion for yourself!).  And you can apply this process to any area of your life, not just your home: your career, your friendships — really anywhere you’re in a relationship with others.

Alright … are you ready to take those big ideas about your space and start working with them, in a practical way, together? Here we go!

My 3+ Step Process For Navigating Requests As You Create A Home With Your Partner:

1. Clean Up Your Side Of The Street.

Does everything seem like it’s his fault? “If only he didn’t leave socks on the floor/love that dang ugly recliner/penny-pinch so much …”

It’s so tempting to point the finger of blame at anyone but ourselves. Sure, your sweetheart may have annoying habits or different tastes than you — and it’s understandable that this ruffles your feathers! But, over-focusing on what your partner “should” do can be a convenient excuse to avoid your own work.

When you feel yourself getting swept into the “blame game,” pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “what am I creating, here? What can I control, without relying on him to change at all?” When we refocus on ourselves, and the positive shifts we can make, a whole world of fresh possibilities can open up.

Here’s a great example of this principle in action. My client, Laika, came to me because she and her husband had some deep, ongoing tension that they just couldn’t shake. She was convinced that everything would shift once her husband changed: she wanted to re-organize his office space, buy him a bigger desk (even though he didn’t want one), and on and on.

When we walked through her home together, she suddenly saw how much her own unhappiness and unresolved issues were contributing to their unhappiness. (Literally: she was surrounded by clutter that reminded her of a painful past.) Once she turned to what she could do, the magic started happening. We spent two full days releasing things that no longer served her, and making space for a new future (literally and emotionally).

The result? She created a beautiful home office for herself, opened a floodgate of creativity, and was able to communicate with her husband in a more relaxed, intimate way than ever before. (Read more of Laika’s story here.)

2. Connect With Yourself First.

Before you can tell your partner what you truly want, you must be able to communicate it with yourself.

So …  you want a fresh coat of paint on that wall. Is it really because you hate beige? Or is something deeper going on — like you’re starved for more fun, creativity, or personal space? Take a moment to identify what you want more (or less) of in your home — and dig down to the heart of why you want it.

Give yourself permission to uncover and express what truly makes your spirit happy … and to find creative ways to connect with it, in your home and your life. You can go as deep as you want with this, and make your home a genuine expression of your deepest values, needs and desires.

3. Get To The Heart Of Your Request.

OK, so you’ve cleaned up your side of the street, connected to yourself, and still found that you have a request for your partner. Totally normal, and really great!

Before piping up, ask yourself what’s truly going on for me, here? Is there a deeper need underneath your request?

For example: if it irks you that he leaves wet towels on the floor every morning, first ask yourself if that’s the heart of the issue, for you. Perhaps you actually need him to show more appreciation for the housework you do; maybe you’ve just started a new job, and would like some support getting out of the door in the morning; or, you might want him to honor the artistic way you’ve decorated the bathroom, because it’s an expression of your creativity.

Be prepared to be surprised, here. You may find that the core of your desire has nothing to do with the tangible request! Or, you might find that your initial impulse was spot-on — but now, you can communicate to your sweetie precisely why it matters so much to you.

4. Communicate with Care, Clarity, and Curiosity. (Bonus Step!)

You’ve done the prep work. Now, you’re ready to open your mouth and talk to your sweetie. Make an effort to come from a calm, caring place within yourself. Remember: no matter how mad or frustrated you are at him/her, you still love them!

Speak simply and clearly about the deeper needs and desires you’ve uncovered. And, remember to listen to your partner’s response! Get curious about their own needs and desires — even if they’re not clear on them, yet. In this way, your homemaking conversation becomes an opportunity for an intimate conversation about way more than kitchen tiles and throw pillows — it’s about your precious relationship, your dreams, your love, your future.

In the Comments Below… I would love to hear about what do you need/want to talk to your partner about in terms of your home? What do you think is at the heart of your request?

And Stay Tuned For Next Weeks Post!  Do you sometimes have trouble standing firm in what you want, when your partner disagrees? Next week, I’ll share a few simple invitations to get underneath this pattern and make requests with more confidence.

Sending love,

Rebecca

P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. And if you’re curious about working together privately or as a couple be sure to contact me here!

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