4 Steps For Change (Especially with Home and Money!)

Making deep change that sticks can feel like such a riddle, can’t it? Whether you’re focusing on your career, creativity, health, or personal growth, making progress can seem mysterious.

You hit the gym everyday for a week … then fall into an ice cream coma on the weekend. You resolve to keep your home tidy … then your in-laws visit and all hell breaks loose. Two steps forward, one step back.

I don’t think there’s any magic formula for making lasting change.

But over the last few years, I’ve noticed 4 essential steps that have supported my growth again and again. (And again.)

I’ve applied these 4 steps to two areas of my life that have been of predominant focus: my relationship to home and my relationship to money.

You see, over the last 5 years, I have done enormous amount of work around home and money. They have been my portals and training ground, where I have stretched myself, dug deep, grown, evolved, and made huge changes, inside and out. I have used these steps over and over … and continue to use them, today.

But before I get to these 4 steps, I want to give a loving mention to my dear friend, colleague, and guide through deep money work, Bari Tessler Linden. I want you to know about her amazing work because there is so much crossover between how she teaches about money … and how I teach about the home. We each have our unique methodology and style, of course — but at heart, we’re both doing ultra-deep work, with a focus on authenticity, meaning, and growth. If your ears perked up when you heard “working on your relationship to money,” check out Bari’s amazing Art of Money program (a year-long “money school”) right here.

As I have worked with my relationship to money and my relationship to home, I’ve been struck by how similar the process has been in each area: I always came back to the same four steps, over and over.

Here are the 4 steps I’ve used in my own life to grow, evolve, and ultimately change for the better in my relationship with money and home:

Step #1 – Awareness

Before we can move forward, we have to figure out where we are. Awareness is square one: get a Big Picture view of where we are, and where we’re going.

It’s wonderful to practice awareness when life is calm, but most of us are drawn into this kind of reflection during times of transition, life milestones, or crisis. It’s at these moments, when we’re called to shift, change, and grow, that we zoom out and take stock of who we are and what’s happening in our life.

In your relationship to home … Get open and curious. What’s happening in your space? Do you love where you live? Does it support you? Do you feel comfortable at home? Do you have enough space? Light? Warmth? Etc.

In your relationship to money … How do you relate to money? Are you awake or asleep? Do you feel like a grown up or a child? Are you in a spending or saving period? Are you happy with your financial situation? How would you like it to be different?

Step # 2 – Examine, Edit and Update.

You’ve probably heard me talk about the importance of editing and updating our space. But this step is also important in our relationship to money. Once you’re present and aware, take the time to examine what’s most important to you, and your life. (This is essential stuff!) What are your greatest goals and intentions, right now? What deeper meanings and values are driving these goals? Are they aligned with your needs and desires? If not, we need to edit and update.

In your relationship to home … Take a detailed inventory of your space and the items in it. Are there things that need to go? Things you need to move? Things you need to add? Do the items in your home make you happy? Do they support and represent who you truly are?

In your relationship to money … Take a focused look at your spending, saving and investing habits. Do you know where you money is going? How do you choose to save and spend? What drives these choices? Do you need to make new choices? Shift your focus? Reframe your wants, needs, desires?

Step # 3  – Take Action & Get Support.

You’ve taken a broad look at where you are in your life. You’ve updated the values that fuel your decisions. Now, it’s time to take action. To transition from where you are now to where you want to go.

And … this is where most of us get stuck. We think it should be easy. Or that it will just happen.  But the truth is, significant change (of any kind) usually requires significant growing pains.

For so long I thought I needed to do it on my own. That reaching out for support would be shameful, embarrassing, or “cheating.” Wrong!! Actually getting the support I needed was THE key to making the big shifts I so desperately wanted. Before then, I was stuck repeating things that weren’t working, expecting different results. Support is vital.

In your relationship to home … Where are you stuck? Where do you need help? Ask a friend to come over to help you edit. Hire an organizer, interior designer or me! Get support around staying committed to creating a home that you love and one that truly supports you.

In your relationship to money … Do you need to update your systems? Track more, less or differently? Do you need to hire or consult with a financial advisor?  Educate yourself? Work with a financial therapist? Process your feelings of shame, guilt or fear around money? Is all of this so overwhelming, you need help even knowing where to begin? (If any of this describes you, keep reading to find out more about Bari’s Art of Money program, right below!)

Step # 4 – Make peace with this: everything will change again.

Oh, yes, it is so true! As soon as you get it all set … put a structure into place… heal that emotional wound…make things irresistibly beautiful…something will change … and yes, you will need to start the process all over again.

Whether it happens immediately or eventually, inevitably something will happen and shift. And then, we need to gain awareness, examine our values, and make a new plan for action again. The process repeats. That’s what growth is all about! And the sooner we make peace with this journey, the more fluid and natural the process will become.

The truth is: our relationship to space and money are life-long relationships, ones that touch every aspect of our lives, and will continue to grow and evolve along with us, as our lives unfold.

A life that stays the same is destined to be miserable and boring. Nothing is static. Fantasizing that we can achieve some kind of constant state of joy and happiness is unrealistic — and ultimately keeps us locked in a jail of unfulfilled expectations and disappointments.

Life is fluid. With so many ups and downs. Twists and turns. What is most important is that we stay awake, alive and aware. From this place we can be present to all the beauty life has to offer, in all of her ever-shifting ways: from each moment, week, month, or year, to the next.

If you’d love to grow and deepen your relationship with your home this year, I encourage you to connect with me. Sign up for a personal free, 30 minute call with me here. Together we’ll talk about ways you can start taking action, right away.

If working on your relationship to money is on your radar this year, you’ll love Bari’s Art of Money program: a year-long “money school.” It’s all about creating a more positive relationship with money, in deep and extremely practical ways. I’ve personally been in Bari’s amazing community for the past two years, and can say: the comprehensive content, skilled teaching, and supportive community Bari provides are like nothing else I have ever experienced. I have no idea what my relationship to money would look like today, without Bari’s love and guidance. And I’ll be continuing with The Art of Money again this year — it’s just that good!

If you’re interested in making your own deep and practical shifts around money this year, I encourage you to check out this unique program: The Art of Money 2015. It only opens once a year, and everything’s kicking off February 1st.

Also be on the look out for an intimate interview I did with Bari for her Art of Money Road Show coming out this week! I share my money story in more detail and talk openly about what the journey has been like for me over the last several years. It was a good one so be sure to check it out if this resonates with you.

Wishing you a beautiful week!

Sending love,

Rebecca