Why Ripping My Wedding Dress was Absolutely Perfect

(All photos by Tanja Lippert)

My husband and I just celebrated our 1-year anniversary. But in a way, I almost missed my wedding.

There I was, standing at the edge of the redwood grove. All of our friends and family were gathered. My heart was pounding with excitement as I waited for the wedding planner to give my Dad and I the go-ahead to start walking down the long, earthen aisle towards my sweet groom.

As she nodded to us that it was time, I noticed that something was terribly wrong.  I could hear the music playing, and that song that was so important to me — my favorite song! — was ever-so-slightly off. I hastily whispered to the planner that it was wrong. She shook her head and said it was fine.

Nonononono! My mind spun out into frustration, blame, and disappointment.  How could they have messed this up?? After we went over it so many times?! I had imagined that dramatic moment of walking down the aisle so many times … and now, it wouldn’t be perfect.

My heart sank a little. And the moment began slipping away.

And right then — it happened. I took a step, heard a riiiiip! and nearly fell flat on my face. I looked down, and saw a long piece of my beautiful wedding dress had torn.

In that moment, everything became clear as crystal. I heard a loud voice booming in my head. It said, “You really don’t want to miss this.”

In that moment, I was yanked out of my mental chatter — and compelled into the here-and-now.

In that moment, I released the need for everything to be perfect. I became fully present. Open. Surrendered. And that’s when the real magic started to happen.

I am so grateful for the moment when my dress ripped.

It could have been my very worst nightmare. But instead, it was exactly what I needed to fully arrive that day. So that I could notice everything around me … and remember it, forever.

I will never forget …

… The smile on Sean’s face, the warmth in his eyes and how I literally could not look at anyone but him.

… The moment in the middle of the ceremony when a huge gust of wind tore through that calm redwood grove, raining hundreds of soft needles to the ground.

… How unbelievably calm I felt in my body, despite the endless amounts of excitement and nervous energy that had filled it most of the morning.

… How silent it was in the grove, even though there were over 230 people there. Even the kids were quiet.

… What it felt like to have a community of loving family and friends witness our love and vow to support our commitment as we walk the path of marriage

My dress ripping was one of the least “perfect” things that could have happened that day. But it was the perfect instant that plugged me back into the real-ness of that day: the grandeur, the tiny details, and the intangible beauty of it all.

Beauty isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

– Click To Tweet

Of course, the beauty of that day wasn’t the result of that single moment, alone. It also came from months and months of planning and intention-setting.

As I planned my wedding day, I was developing the 5 principles of my work:  Insight, Functionality, Intention, Meaning, and Beauty. (To learn more download my free e-book at the top right of this page) And I infused all of these principles into our wedding.

But foremost on my mind was beauty. It was the driving force for our wedding. Sean and I wanted it to be a beautiful day — not only for us, but for all of our guests. We wanted to celebrate and announce our love to our community, while providing inspiration and an opportunity for our guests to connect with the love in their hearts.

Doing this required me to deeply surrender. To open my heart. To be seen by my community, receive abundance, and feel how good it can really be. Most of all though, it required me to release my attachments … and simply be there.

Sure, I cared about the flowers, the setting, the lighting, music, and food. (What bride doesn’t?!) But what I learned was that the intention that Sean and I set for our special day — to provide a beautiful experience for everyone involved — was what made the magic happen.

This power of intention brought our wedding to life — and it’s also what creating any great event (or a meaningful home) is about. We pour out our heartfelt intentions, and then become intensely present. We set the stage for beauty … and then let it flow.

Other things went wrong that day. Goofy, wonderful, perfect things.

At dinner, we served soup and salad: the soup in a little demitasse cup, perched on the side of the salad plate. Over half of our guests poured the soup on their salad, thinking it was dressing! Oh, we loved this!

We laughed at all the goofy things like this, that “went wrong,” but gave us all the chance to giggle and simply be in the joy with each other, heart-to-heart. The more present Sean and I were (even when things weren’t perfect), the more this energy rippled out to everyone else. The result was a beautiful day that felt real — but not stuffy.

And we weren’t the only ones who felt the magic that day.

One man told us that he had been looking for God … and found it in that redwood grove.

Another woman shared that she had arrived that day, so angry at her husband. But during the ceremony, she grabbed his hand … and they reconnected.

We didn’t create these miracles. They simply happened. What we did was create the space that called everyone to be comfortable and present, that day.

Presence is the intangible manifestation of beauty. – Click To Tweet

We’re constantly surrounded by beauty, but we can’t experience it unless we’re present for it. This is true for all of life: big occasions and Tuesday afternoons, cathedrals and cozy nooks.

Perfection is the enemy of presence. When we get hung up on making things perfect (or getting upset when they’re not), we lose touch with the here-and-now. Our aliveness starts slipping away … and we miss out on the magic of the moment.

When you can be with what’s imperfect, (in your life and your home) you’ll find beauty there.

I encourage you to embrace the messy, the undone, the misshapen and the odd. Celebrate those quirky things in your home that only make sense to you and your family. When your dinner party goes horribly, awkwardly awry; laugh, stick with it, and show up for the magic.

It is the imperfect that brings uniqueness to our spaces and lives. The imperfect makes things alive … it puts the heart into our homes and is ultimately what Beautiful Living is all about!

My wedding day was a beautiful experience for me because I poured so much intention into it … which was catalyzed in that one, magical moment when my dress tore … and I woke up and became fully present. Work and surrender. Practice and patience.

It was a rite of passage for me. Not only into my marriage, but also into deeper groundedness, more aliveness, and greater access to joy and vitality. And it has motivated me to create more experiences like this for myself and my community. Experiences where we can feel fully alive and deeply present to all the beauty around us.

As Thanksgiving approaches, think about how you might bring some of these insights into this special gathering.

If you’re hosting, think about how you can set the scene with intention and beauty, and become mindful enough that your guests feel at ease. If you’re a guest, think about how you can show up with presence, peace, and joy.

And most of all: plan for things to be imperfect … and when things do go wrong, remind yourself to take a breath, stay present, and show up for the beauty that will undoubtedly unfold if we let it.

Sending love, Rebecca

P. S. If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends.

And Get Support! Are you going through something that you’d love to bring greater intention, clarity, purpose, and presence to? Whether it’s as big as your wedding or as small (but mighty!) as a daily practice, if you’d like to work on it, I’d love to support you.  Click here to learn more about my new Interior Life Design Program and/or contact me to set up a free 30 minute introductory call!