Design Paralysis? What’s Really Going On…

Has this ever happened to you?

You see a cute picture on Pinterest, sink into an exquisite armchair, or read an interesting article about authentic design … and suddenly you feel a surge of inspiration. Yes, you think. I will create a whole new home — one that reflects the REAL me. It will be elegant and meaningful and have a space for my painting and a tiny Buddha and those adorable Mason jar candlelights. And then … Thud. Paralysis hits. You’re stuck on that ugly green couch, spinning your wheels, too overwhelmed to move forward. Ugh!

Paralysis strikes the best of us, and can show up in a variety of ways:

• Feeling trapped in a fog of indecision.
• Obsessing over “this one or that one?!”…“keep it or toss it?!” dilemmas.
• Flying from website to website (or store to store), desperately looking for the “right” couch/curtains/rug, feeling tense and anxious the whole time. (Confession: this is how paralysis shows up for me!)
• Getting overwhelmed, saying “forget it,” and abandoning your design project, Haagen-Dazs in hand.

If paralysis has you stuck in it’s web, fear not…we can definitely work with it! The first step is getting to know and understand it.

What’s really going on, here?

The truth is, it’s not really about the stripey green couch vs. the white linen one. (But you already knew that, didn’t you?) When I work privately with clients, we slow down, get brave, and take a loving look at the deeper emotional issues creating design paralysis.

9 times out of 10, paralysis boils down to fear:

• Fear of the unknown.
• Fear of doing things “wrong” or making a mistake
• Fear of starting down a path without having every detail figured out in advance.
• Fear of that big, beautiful change you really want to make.

Think about this: remember the last time someone said to you, “now, are you absolutely sure this is what you want?” Whether it was in a furniture store, a restaurant, or a job interview, the result is usually the same for most of us: we freeze. We get shaky and sweaty. And then, in a panic, we think about our big sister (or husband or mom or dad) shaming us for changing our minds in three months.

When we feel paralyzed about a decision, we’re usually terrified to admit what we truly want.

So, we try to minimize the risk. We fantasize about the undeniably perfect, meant-to-be couch (on sale, and with a Prince Charming salesman, to boot!). We dream of the day when we’ll make decisions without an ounce of struggle or anxiety. We even dream up a better version of ourself: the woman who trusts herself, doesn’t fear judgment from others, and has no trouble deciding what to buy, what to wear, and how to change the world.

I hate to break it to you, but: few decisions in life are ever 100% fear-free. Anxiety around decisions is simply part of the human experience. It’s a bummer, it can be brutal — but there’s also a beauty to it, if you know where to look.

Choice is a brutal, beautiful, amazing, and incredibly human thing.

– Click to Tweet

In my experience, the first step forward in making peace with your indecision and fear is to stop shaming or blaming the part of you that feels paralyzed. Take a deep breath. Remember to gentle with yourself.

Whatever angst or frustration you may be feeling, is a great source of information about what may be happening beneath the surface. Be curious about what is happening and how you are feeling. Give yourself lots of compassion and know that the process of creating a home is a tender project for many.  Then, after realizing that you are perfectly normal…..

Try one of these powerful reframes:

Anxiety about decisions is inevitable. But you don’t have to get stuck there. Give yourself a big dose of compassion, shake off your perfectionism and fear, and start getting playful with your home and your life!

TAKE ACTION!

In Your Home: Commit to doing one to break through your design paralysis this week. (Ex…Try moving a piece of furniture, letting go of something you have been resisting, or bringing home a new set of throw pillows to try!)

In Your Heart: Reflect on where fear, indecision and paralysis may be showing up in other areas of your life. Does the way you approach making decisions about your home mirror the ways you make decisions in other areas of your life? Be curious and allow yourself to explore what deeper insights might be available for you.

In the comments: Have you ever felt paralyzed about a decision — in your home or life? How did you shake off your fear and move forward?

And stay tuned for the next week’s post… I am going to be sharing why it’s actually awesome when you DON’T like something!

Sending Love,

Rebecca

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