Start With “No.” Why Knowing What You DON’T Like is Awesome.

OK, I’ll admit it. It might sound tragically un-cool, but …
… I don’t like the color grey in my home!

I’ve tried. Really, I have. I bought grey bedding (hated it), grey placemats (nope, couldn’t do it), and even a grey journal (didn’t use it…had to let it go). Once, I considered painting my bathroom grey; the mere thought of it still depresses me!

I wanted to be slick and modern and cool (and you need grey for that, right?) but every grey thing I bought just made my mood nosedive.

Please note: this is an utterly personal preference. If you love grey, and it makes you happy/inspired/creative/melancholy-in-a-happy-way….Wahoo! I applaud you. (And if I ever receive a beautiful grey throw pillow as a gift, I’ll happily pass it your way.)

One day, I finally put grey on my “not under this roof” list. And it freed me up to focus on what I really did want and love. I need warm, bright colors and clean whites to bring the sunshine inside and make me feel like myself.

Here’s the jewel hiding in the mud: admitting what I didn’t like helped me embrace what I love.

Oooooh. Can I say that again?

Knowing what you don’t like can lead to what you love.

-Click to Tweet

Now, focusing on what you don’t like might seem overly negative. A little silly, even. But after so many years of fighting it, I’ve discovered that identifying what you don’t like is a universal, ultra-helpful, and tragically overlooked backdoor to discovering what you love.

When I shop with clients, we frequently spend the first half of the day hopping from boutique to boutique, sifting through throw pillows and lamps while they admit, “Hmmmm. Well — not quite.”

And they often feel sheepish, guilty, or ashamed that they don’t like those Tiffany lamps or sequined throw pillows. But I’m not having it!

Saying no is an essential skill in creating an

authentic life and home you love.

Here’s why:

1. Saying No Focuses Your Energy

If I admit that I don’t want to live in the city, my apartment search just got a lot easier. And when I realize I’m not comfortable in a first-floor apartment, I can narrow my search even further. Admitting that you don’t want or like certain things actually saves you time, effort, and money.

2. Understanding Your No Takes You One Step Closer To Yes

You don’t want that huge sectional sofa. So you ask yourself why, and realize you don’t want it to take over the whole living room. But you’d still love a sleeper sofa. Great! Now, we can start looking for petite, pretty sofas that have a pullout bed.

3. Claiming Your No Boosts Your Confidence

If you feel a no, admit it. Trust it. Celebrate it, even! Please be honest with yourself, and resist the urge to talk yourself into something you don’t really love (grey sheets, anyone?). When you listen to your no, and claim it, you’re forging a stronger bond with yourself — and with that deep, authentic place within you, where you know what your yes is and can act on it. Commit to trusting yourself, finding your yes, and be willing to wait for it. Because a lukewarm yes won’t get you any closer to the life + home you want.

A strong no will take you farther than a weak yes. – Click to Tweet

4. Ignoring Your No Is A Subtle Form Of Self-Betrayal

When you settle for something (a chair, sweater, sweetie, or job) that doesn’t light you up, but is “close enough,” what hidden belief is really in charge?

“I don’t deserve what I want.”
“What I want doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not worth the effort/time/money.”
And on and on and on.

The messages that make us settle for “good enough” will be a little different for each of us, so take the time to see what yours are. Why are you rushing to fill this space? Why are you settling, really?

Taking the time to find something that really, deeply thrills us is no easy task.  It requires patience + a whole lot of determination. (And, of course: you needn’t feel paralyzed waiting for The Perfect Chair — it’s wonderful to experiment and play with different options!)

Claiming your no isn’t just indulging in negativity. It’s a meaningful practice that leads you home to your yes.

TAKE ACTION!

In the comments below, tell me: What’s one thing in your life that’s not totally right? (Something you flat-out hate or just feel “meh” about.) When you tune into that no, what can you find out about your yes?

If you found this useful please share it with your family and friends to spread the love.

And stay tuned for an up coming post… If you’ve held out for Mr. Right (sofa/chair/home/artwork), I’ll share with you 11 ways to make that big ticket purchase (nearly) stress-free.

If  haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter (at the top right of this page) so you don’t miss a post! We have a beautiful growing community and would to have you join us!

Sending love,

Rebecca