The Secrets Our Closets Keep
For most of us, clothes are an intensely personal statement about who we are.
You know what I mean. When you wear that little black dress you’re telling the world that you’re sexy and sophisticated. When you put on that necklace you bought from a street vendor in Nepal, you’re telling us that you’re worldly and interesting. Those motorcycle boots? Perhaps they mean you’re scrappy and tough.
Clothes are our armor, our costumes, our invitation to others and a glimpse of what we want them to see when they look at us.
And, just like our spaces, our clothes tend to hold meaning far beyond what they are. Does that red suit remind you of the presentation your bombed? Were you wearing that jacket when he broke your heart? Was this the shirt you wore at a moment you felt amazing?
The amount of meaning we place on our clothes in insane. Even when we don’t wear them any more, they can sit in our closet taking up room and creating the experience of a photo album rather than a place of current adornment.
Whether you have positive or negative associations with a piece of clothing, it can hold memories and these memories can often (consciously or unconsciously) impact our emotions.
Do your clothes taunt you?
Skinny jeans, fat clothes – we even have slang for the pieces that take up space in our minds and closets. And it’s not just about weight. A friend’s mother kept dozens of business suits that were decades and sizes out of date because she’d “invested” so much money in the clothes…But was it really the suits she couldn’t release – or the high-profile job?
Our clothes should honor the body and the life we are living in now.
Are you honoring your body with the clothes you choose to keep around? Or are your clothes demanding something that you can’t give? Waiting for an experience you hope to have one day?
An edit of your closet can be an empowering way to make sure the clothes you choose to keep in your wardrobe are balanced with your current needs and honoring where you are in your body and in your life right now. Believe it or not, your closet can actually feel luxurious and getting dressed in the morning can actually feel like an act of self-love. Imagine that…. (more on this next week!)
Ask yourself these questions as you go through your clothes to help you decide whether a piece should stay or go:
- How do my clothes feel on my skin? Heavy, itchy, old or a little off? Or do they feel light beautiful, airy, cozy, warm?
- Who was I when I bought this? Am I still this person?
- How do I feel about my body when I wear this?
- What memories do the article of clothing bring up? Think about this both in the positive and negative.
- Is this piece taunting me? Are any of these clothes holding my happiness for ransom? Notice what old belief patterns of fear or anxiety you are holding in your closet. A lot can be energetically happening in there.
- Are these clothes taking up space that I need? Literally and physically. Consider this as a metaphor for your body. How could this be showing up in or on your body? As excess weight, constipation, tightness etc.?
- Are these clothes right for the climates I dress for? This can include weather as well as different work or social climates. What do you wear on different occasions or with different people? Is it appropriate? Are you putting on a costume in any area of your life?
TAKE ACTION
In your home: Take a few hours or a full day to edit your closet. Enlist a trusted friend to be your assistant and help you consider the questions above when and if you get stuck.
In your heart: Reflect on what your clothes and your closet might be mirroring back to your body and/or emotional life. Are you holding on to things you don’t need any more? Trying to live in a time that has passed? Sit with whatever comes up, journal about it, or share it here in the comments below.
Sending love,
Rebecca
P.S. If you enjoyed this post please share it with your friends! Thank you!
17 Comments on “The Secrets Our Closets Keep”
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Hi Rebecca,
Thank you for this post! It comes at a great time because I’m in the middle of making a big move to New Jersey and I’ve been purging my closets. Truth be told, I don’t have much in my closet (I’m not one of those women that have like 5 closets worth of clothes) and already find it hard not to wear something in the same week. I’ve had alot of emotions come up as I go through my things in chunks of time. It makes me nervous because basically everything except shoes and maybe five outfits need to be thrown outI think my question is in two parts:.
1- How does someone who is already a minimalist get rid of almost everything in her closet (it’s all either old or doesnt fit me anymore) without freaking out?
2- How does she re-create a new wardrobe from scratch when she is looking to lose weight and is on a tight budget? I know that you focus more on the organization of the home than styling but any tips you have are great
Thank you!
– Love Jess
Hi Jess!
Thanks so much for reaching out and thank you for raising the topic of once we have edited our things down..how do we start to create a wardrobe around who we are now but also who we want to be in the future (particularly when might change.) Here are a couple thoughts and ideas in response to your questions.
1) First and foremost getting rid of everything does not have to be the goal. I would invite you to be curious about the experience of “freaking out” in reaction to the possibility of letting go of the majority of your wardrobe. Does this reaction stem from an deep seeded belief based in fear or scarcity that may not match up to reality…. Or is it a logical reaction to your situation and giving your valuable information about what is reasonable for your current situation? Just let yourself explore and see what comes up.
2) Bringing new things in and creating a wardrobe that you love can be a intimidating at first but I find that our negativity around things such as budget and/or future change often block us from even connecting with what we might enjoy or even want. Hence we stay feeling stuck and frustrated.
There are so many creative ways to spice up your wardrobe on a budget and/or only buy pieces that can accessorize basic things you may already have while our body is changing (ie scarfs, jewelry, belts, etc.)
The first step is to get out there and figure out what you like! What are you drawn to? What colors excite you? What styles evoke feeling states you want… (ie. cozy, sophisticated, classy, creative, eclectic?) Who are you and what parts of your personality do you want to showcase through your clothing? Possible write down some words or start a Pintrest board to help you hone in on your personal style.
Then I would invite you to give yourself permission to play. Try on a something that is a little out of the norm for you! A new color, cut, or pattern. Have fun with it and remember that “ideally” getting dressed in the morning should be a ritual of self love.
I hope some of this will be helpful and please be sure to check back and let us know how it goes!
Warmly,
Rebecca
Dear Jess,
this is so me! Thank you for having the courage to write it down.
And dear Rebecca: Your support is awesome! Thank you for this very helpful answer.
All my love to both of you,
Marlin
So glad it was helpful Marlin!
Wonderful post! I really enjoyed gaining this perspective on my closet. As I am growing into a new creative career, I am wondering why I have so many ugly dark solid Tshirts, when I love color and pattern! So great to feel and acknowledge what’s happening on the inside and begin to show it on the outside. I want to live with more exuberance, in my artwork, my home, my closet, everywhere!
Yay Laura! What an amazing connection you are making between you dark solid t-shirts and your desire for more creativity and exuberance in your life, home and career. Fabulous. I can’t wait to hear about how color and pattern make their gorgeous debut!
Fun!
Thanks for sharing!
Warmly,
Rebecca
Rebecca-
Another amazing post! You inspire me daily! I have to say, I am like Jess ^^^^^^ I don’t really actually have that many clothes, but I have been editing my closet for about a year. There are still a few items I am holding onto, specifically a little sequin purple dress that I wore to Mardi Gras with my husband when my body was at its adult prime. I keep holding onto it because my hubby thinks it’s so sexy, but whenever I look at it, I remember that I am not at thin as I was 2 years ago.
Furthermore, I realized that my lack of clothes that inspire me has just been me hiding from the world, not allowing myself to show up the way I really want to.
Thank you for this beautiful post! I am excited to add some items that will allow the beauty of my soul shine through to the outside
<3 La Rae
Hi La Rae! I love the deeper connections you are making around why you are holding on to certain things AND why you have been resistant to buy new things.
The experience of hiding and the fear of showing up in the world the way we truly want to be is something I think so many of us can relate to. I am so happy to hear that this awareness is giving you motivation and excitement to let your innate beauty shine through! Amazing.
Warmly,
Rebecca
Great post Becca! It’s inspiring me to make better use of this gray day…
Yay! Thanks hun!
Hi Rebecca,
Great article! It is wonderful and timely for me as well.
I’m actually in the process (and it certainly is a process) of learning how to “bring the inside outside” when it comes to my clothes. It’s first-nature to be able to express myself in my home space, but when it comes to my clothes, I need a little (well, a lot) of help! I decided to hire a professional personal stylist as a part of my birthday gift to myself this year because it’s important to me to invest in myself. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life! I realized clothes do hold importance, and they are just one more way to express who I really am. I’ve done so much self-transformation recently and it is not reflected in my clothes – I want others to see the expressive, creative, warm, glowing, fun-gal I am!
Thankfully my stylist has been pushing me out of my comfort zone, and I’ve spent some time figuring out what looks express my personality like you suggested above. I found I’m a mix of bohemian and chic (and maybe even created a category of my own), and I love lots of color – especially blues, reds, and yellows. I keep the tear sheets with me and reference them occasionally when I’m shopping to keep me focused.
Your article gives great insight into understanding who we are by what we wear (or even what we hold onto but don’t wear). I had to let go of a lot of clothing when I started this process, but in a way it was symbolic of letting go of things that didn’t fit me or represent me anymore. It was so therapeutic to finally let go and make room for the clothes that fit me.
One tip I’m trying right now to get comfortable wearing these new expressive pieces is to try out some of the new outfits in safe environments – i.e. a networking event where I most likely won’t see people again, or a Saturday night out with my close friends who won’t judge lol. These are confidence-boosting experiences, that give me the green-light to be more bold in my clothing and accessory choices every day.
Being comfortable with our clothes is another way we can communicate to the world we are comfortable in our own skin!
I’m also having a bit of fun with this and I am video-documenting the entire process to share on my design blog – I’ll share it with you when it’s up and running. I hope that it gives others a chuckle, and the confidence to continue on their own journey of self-expression!
Thanks again for being so insightful and supportive!
Cherise
Hi Cherise! How fabulous that you have been on such a personal journey both inwardly and outwardly. Sounds like it has been deeply transformational on many levels! And I LOVE you tip about trying new out styles in safe places. So smart. Thanks so much for sharing! Can’t wait to see you videos! Please do share when it’s up and running!
Warmly,
Rebecca
Thanks Rebecca, I loved this post
I often hold onto clothes because of memories and their ‘story’, rather than because I wear them a lot.
I start a secondment from my job in September for 7 months, where I will want to dress for work as I currently do, (but perhaps wow a little, too!) and given autumn/winter clothes will need to come out soon, I need to do some wardrobe weeding/reorganising. I want to do some saving up this Autumn and so don’t want to buy a new winter coat, new boots etc – but use/wear out what I have already .. But in some new and more interesting combinations!
Hi Rachel! This sounds like a fabulous plan! Finding ways to use and wear things differently is an amazing way to create a whole new wardrobe without having to buy anything new. AND when we pull old things together in a new way we create fresh energy and generate feelings and experiences that are up to date and reflective to who we are now. Its really a win win! 😉 Wishing you lots of joy and fun with this! Let us know how it goes and thanks for sharing!
Warmly,
Rebecca
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This post came at the perfect time (literally – I’m mid packing right now!) I’ll leaving NYC after 5 years and moving back home unwillingly (health circumstances) but I find myself hanging on to soooo many things that practically I know I no longer need, but am hanging on to because they represent my life in New York that I’m not ready, emotionally, to let go of.
Thank you for the questions… the reflection has definitely helped
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